What the hell is a “high mercury count“? Whatever it is, it reportedly caused Jeremy Piven to abruptly end his run in Broadway’s Speed-the-Plow after missing Tuesday evening’s performance and a Wednesday matinee. I thought this was a put-on after reading David Mamet‘s comment that he had spoken to Piven and was told “that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury…so my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer.” This is the lamest cop-out excuse I’ve ever heard from any shirker in any profession in my entire life. It’s on the level of “my dog ate my homework.”

Vanity Fair.com’s Julian Sancton is reporting that among this morning’s SAG-nominated actors are eight “mutineers” — actors who’ve stood up against SAG president Alan Rosenberg by refusing to sign a strike authorization. They are 30 Rock‘s Alec Baldwin, Milk‘s Josh Brolin , Recount‘s Kevin Spacey, Susan Sarandon of Bernard and Doris, Michael C. Hall of Dexter, Sally Field of Brothers & Sisters, and Monk‘s Tony Shalhoub.

The Florida Film Critics Circle have shown themselves to be just as conformist, regimented and sheep-like as other award-bestowing critics groups, with each of their ’08 winners well within the arena of safety. Best Picture — Slumdog Millionaire. Best Actor — The Wrestler ‘s Mickey Rourke. Best Actress — Frozen River‘s Melissa Leo . Best Supporting Actor — The Dark Knight’s Heath Ledger. Best Foreign Language Film — Let the Right One In. Best Animated Feature — WALL*E. Best Documentary — Man on Wire. Breakout Award — In Bruges director-writer Martin McDonagh.

I don’t mean to single Florida out. I’m just saying they’re like all the other groups, that many film critics are Zelig-minded, that the Zelig impulse is just as prevalent among film critics groups as it is among institutional government types.

“Ideals are like the stars. We cannot reach them but we profit by their presence.” — a philosophy oft-spoken by John le Carre‘s father, Ronnie Cornwell.

The just-announced 15th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards nominations contain at least two what-the-hells. Slumdog Millionaire‘s Dev Patel, a novice, is up for Best Supporting Actor while Revolutionary Road ‘s Michael Shannon has been ignored. (What is the blockage that people have about Shannon and this film? It’s unconscionable to blow off a performance this lightning-bolt vivid.) And Changeling‘s Angelina Jolie has been nominated for Best Actress for a strong if less-than-breathtaking performance, while the stunning achievement of I’ve Loved You So Long ‘s Kristin Scott Thomas has been given the go-by.

Two factors were behind the KST snub: xenophobia (i.e., “we gave the Best Actress Oscar to a French-speaking actress last year…that was enough”) and the super-celebrity, magazine-cover butt-kiss impulse benefitting Jolie. This is a very sad day for me personally as SAG, repping a very influential voting bloc, has now all but killed the likelihood of Oscar noms for Thomas and Shannon. Am I wrong?

HE approves of four of the Best Actor nominations — Richard Jenkins in The Visitor (justice! attempts by the Gurus of Gold to marginalize Jenkins have been waved off!), Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon, Sean Penn in Milk and Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler . But it’s wrong and slavish to nominate Benjamin Button‘s Brad Pitt — who gives a fine if unstirring performance as a passive sponge man — at the expense of the far more deserving Leonardo DiCaprio in Revolutionary Road or Benicio del Toro in Che. The Pitt nomination is largely driven by the celebrity butt-kiss impulse along with a Benjamin Button coat-tails effect.

In addition to Jolie, SAG’s Best Female Actor noms have gone to Rachel Getting Married ‘s Anne Hathaway (right), Frozen River‘s Melissa Leo (applause!), Doubt‘s Meryl Streep (yes), and Revolutionary Road‘s Kate Winslet (very much deserved). I for one am not distressed about Happy-Go-Lucky‘s Sally Hawkins getting bypassed. I’m presuming this happened because some of the SAG membership feels as I do about her performance — i.e., technically expert and emotonally alive, but in service of a horribly irritating character.

Patel aside, SAG’s Best Supporting Actor nominees are Milk‘s Josh Brolin, Tropic Thunder‘s Robert Downey, Jr., Doubt‘s Philip Seymour Hoffman, and The Dark Knight ‘s Heath Ledger.

I have two disputes with SAG’s choice of Best Supporting Female nominees — i.e., Doubt‘s Viola Davis and Amy Adams , Vicky Cristina Barcelona‘s Penelope Cruz, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button‘s Taraji P. Henson, and The Reader ‘s Kate Winslet.

The arguments are (1) there’s no way in hell Adams’ Doubt performance, good as it is, is a match for The Wrestler‘s Marisa Tomei , I’ve Loved You So Long‘s Elsa Zylberstein, Rachel Getting Married‘s Rosemarie DeWitt, The Vistor‘s Hiam Abbass or Nothing But The Truth‘s Vera Farmiga; and (2) Winslet’s ex-Nazi-guard character is utterly central to the story of The Reader, and she’s unquestionably the lead female actress in the film so calling her a supporting player is pretty close to ridiculous.

On top of his other allegiances, The Day The Earth Stood Still director Scott Derrickson is an avowed Christian. Which has clouded his vision. Everyone agrees that Michael Rennie‘s Klaatu in the original 1951 film is a Christ-like figure (his adopted earth name is John Carpenter — i.e., J.C.) but how Derrickson sees Keanu Reeves‘ Klaatu in the same light is beyond me. For most of the film Reeves seems barely cognizant of moral or emotional distinctions in people, and he’s decided from the get-go to murder the human race in order to save the planet earth — an understandable thought from an earth-firster but hardly a Christ-like determination.

And speaking of entertainment industry professionals who demonstrate their allegiance one way but play a different tune when asked, Seven Pounds star Will Smith has told Fox 411 columnist Roger Friedman that he’s “not a Scientologist” but has told Access Hollywood that “the ideas of the Bible are 98 percent the same ideas of Scientology, 98 percent the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism.”

Yesterday Friedman reported that just-released tax returns for Smith’s charitable foundation “show that he and wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, gave $1.3 million in donations last year to a variety of religious, civic and arts groups,” but included in this package was “a combined $122,500 to the Church of Scientology, to wit: $67,500 to the New York Rescue Workers Detoxication Fund, $50,000 to the group’s Celebrity Center in Hollywood and $5,000 to ABLE, another Scientology offshoot.”

Friedman adds that Smith and his wife “have also supported a private school called New Village Academy they opened this fall in suburban Los Angeles that uses Scientology learning concepts.”

Yesterday I read the Wikipedia biography of the utterly loathsome Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Now there‘s a fall-of-the-Roman-empire anecdote if I ever saw one — spending a portion of your work day reading about a right-wing co-host of The View! There’s something wrong with a world that seriously considers (and I’m obviously including myself in this equation) the knee-jerk political sentiments of a former Survivor contestant because she happens to be a moderately hot-looking blonde with great legs.

The profile, in any event, quotes Hasselbeck as saying she’s “neither a conservative nor a liberal…her parents had an independent political stance, never telling their children for whom they voted…she has stated that the term ‘conservative’ does not define her as a person.” Translation: many if not most right-wingers in the entertainment industry call themselves “independent” because it’s good for business — simple. I personally know a Beverly Hills-residing fascist-Christian-conservative blonde with a curvy bod who claimed last fall that Barack Obama was in league with Muslim terrorists, and she always insists she’s “not right-wing!”

Each morning for the last few days, the first thing I’ve done online is delete the interracial loving spam that’s among the comments for each post, and of course ban the sender, who’s probably some desperado from Mumbai.

“I have to say I’m not that interested in making films any more,” Nicole Kidman has told a Telegraph interviewer. “I know I’m not meant to say that, but that’s where it is for me now.

“I’m 41 years old and very happy being in Tennessee with my baby and with my husband. I obviously have creative blood in me and it needs to come out in some way but I just don’t have that burning desire any more. I’m not saying I’m never going to work again, but I’m at peace with whatever happens, which is a nice place to be at this stage of my life.”