If a movie title sounds cool, sometimes that can be half the game. I’ll bet a lot of people decided they half-liked Stanley Kubrick‘s Full Metal Jacket even before they saw it because the title had that schwing. Same with Richard Lester‘s A Hard Day’s Night. And double ditto for Kathryn Bigelow and Mark Boal‘s Zero Dark Thirty, the currently-rolling action drama about SEAL Team Six’s killing of Osama bin Laden.

“Zero Dark Thirty” is “a military term for a non-specific hour when it’s still dark outside,” according to a 3.3 Screen Rant piece. That’s a little too opaque and sprawled out. How about just saying it means “pitch black outside” or “dark as fuck”?

Zero Dark Thirty reportedly costars Joel Edgerton, Kyle Chandler, Jessica Chastain, Jason Clarke, Mark Strong, Chris Pratt and Fares Fares.

“For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, the words I chose in my analogy of the Sandra Fluke situation led to the loss of advertising dollars from Sleep Train Mattress Centers, Quicken Loans, Select Comfort and AutoZone.

“I always say whatever I want to say, but in characterizing Ms. Fluke as a ‘slut’ and ‘a prostitute’ for testifying to lawmakers about wanting the school to amend its health insurance to cover contraception, I incited a situation that endangered my show’s financial health and the security of my family. So obviously my choice of words was not the wisest. I therefore apologize to Ms. Fluke with the hope that this will all go away and I can revert back my usual usual.”

By clapping your hands three times you can (a) rid the world of God-fearing Christians like Kirk Cameron, (b) rid the world of Islamic fundamentalist wackos who believe in the stoning of women and regard the U.S. as the Great Satan, (c) both or (d) achieve nothing at all.

A highly questionable source informs that a select group of 1.85 fascists met in Manhattan this morning to discuss the impact of Acorn Media’s Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Bluray (4.24), which will be presented in its original 1.33 to 1 aspect ratio. The source surreptitiously recorded part of the meeting and provided a transcript.

Fascist #1: So what’s this about again? I don’t have a lot of time.

Fascist #3: Neither do we but…please, sit down. This’ll just take a moment.

Fascist #1: (Exhales) This was a 1979 BBC show that was made for TV screens, so the idea of Acorn presenting a cropped version at 1.66 or 1.85 is absurd.

Fascist #2: It’s just a concern we have about 1.33 or 1.37 in general. As illogical as it might sound, we have to enforce a standard. I think we really have to nip this kind of thing in the bud. We have strong connections with the folks at Criterion and with C.C. Baxter and Glenn Kenny, and we’ve maintained cordial relations with Robert Harris.

Fascist #3: Malleable aspect-ratio standards will just lead to chaos. This is the essence of any fascistic philosophy. Uniformity is vital. If there’s any way a boxy image can be whacked down to 1.85, it has to be whacked down to 1.85…no ifs, and ands or buts. I mean, down to 1.78.

Fascist #1: Oh, for heaven’s sake!

Fascist #2: Between this and the Masters of Cinema dual-aspect-ratio release of Touch of Evil…I’m just saying that if we don’t do what we can to block this, things could get out of hand.

Fascist #1: What are you guys so threatened about? We’ve got the world thinking that almost all non-Scope films exhibited after 1953 should be shown at 1.85 or 1.78. C’mon, we’ve won!

Fascist #3: “Winning” isn’t enough. We have to exterminate every last dissenter.

Fascist #1: A couple of nutters like Jeffrey Wells are the only ones screaming about this, and nobody listens to Wells anyway. 1.85 or 1.78 rule the roost so what difference does it make if Acorn puts out a 1.33 aspect ratio Bluray now and then?

Fascist #2: And if someone else releases a 1.33 Bluray of a United Artists film for some perverse reason, we just…what, say nothing?

Fascist #1: Yes! Ease up!

Fascist #3: If we’re going to control this thing, we’ve got to really control it. It has to be 1.78 or 1.85 all the way. No exceptions. It took us a long time to win over Leon Vitali on that 1.78 Barry Lyndon Bluray — that was a major victory. Do you think that just happened?

Fascist #1 (getting up, putting on coat): You guys do what you want. I think you’re being excessive. I have to take my daughter to a swimming lesson. Have a nice Saturday.

From the TV Shows on DVD copy: “After releasing it on DVD format in 2002, 2004 and 2011, and following the popularity of the recent film remake starring Gary Oldman and Colin Firth, Acorn Media has decided to release the 1979 BBC mini-series Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy in high-def Blu-ray Disc format.

“Available at general retail on April 24th, the 2-disc set with all 6 episodes starring Alec Guinness (Star Wars, The Bridge on the River Kwai) for $59.99 SRP in the USA, and CA$74.99 SRP in Canada. Running time is 324 minutes for the main feature, which is presented in the original full screen 1.33:1 video aspect ratio, but at a 1080p resolution. Audio is English 2.0 Dolby Digital, and English subtitles are also on board.”

Deadline‘s Mike Fleming is reporting that 31 year-old Swedish actor Joel Kinnaman will play the Peter Weller “Murphy”role in Jose Padilha‘s Robocop remake for MGM. But why Kinnaman exactly? This strikes me as a left-field call.

The video interview above shows Kinnaman to be an intelligent, appealing fellow, but at the same time it doesn’t exactly suggest that he’s any kind of rock star in the making — let’s be frank here. A safe box-office hire would have been Jeremy Renner or Michael Fassbender or someone in that realm.

The apparent bottom line is that MGM doesn’t want to pay for a name-brand action star, and Kinnaman is affordable.

Fleming writes that Kinnaman “most recently turned in a memorable performance in the Daniel Espinosa-directed Safe House.” Translation: Kinnaman had a rock-solid fight scene with Ryan Reynolds, but it wasn’t exactly a career-making appearance. Fleming says he “burst on the scene in the AMC series The Killing,” but if you check the trailer Kinnaman clearly had a secondary role. Prior to The Killing he starred in the Espinosa-directed Snabba Cash (’10), but nobody ever saw Snabba stateside so whaddaya whaddaya?

If Padilha’s Robocop is anything like Paul Verhoeven‘s 1987 original, Kinnaman will spend at least half of his screen time be clomping around in robot garb anyway. It’s not like he’s being hired to play Stanley Kowalski or costar in a remake of My Dinner With Andre.

Fleming writes that “Hollywood is desperately trying to find male stars that studios can build movies around” — that much is definitely true.

The terms “medieval siege” and “slaughter,” used by a reporter in Syria for tonight’s episode of Anderson Cooper 360, caught my attention a few minutes ago. And then I began searching YouTube for evidence of Assad government atrocities, and I came upon this, shot in the recently-fallen city of Homs and taken on 1.26.

I had a deal, I thought, with a smart tech guy to handle Hollywood Elsewhere’s migration from Movable Type 4.0 to WordPress, but that’s fallen through. If anyone happens to know some whiz kid I could hire for a not-too-astronomomical fee, please advise.

Speaking of classic Columbia films on digital, I wrote the following to Sony Home Video spokesperson Fritz Friedman earlier today: “This summer will mark the third anniversary of Grover Crisp‘s high-def restoration of From Here to Eternity. This allegedly spiffier-than-ever version played at the Academy in the fall of ’09, and then on the beach in Cannes in May 2010. I know — I was there watching it.

(l. to r.) Frank Sinatra, James Jones, Montgomery Clift sometime during filming of From Here To Eternity.

“In any event, year after year I’ve asked if there’s any commitment to bringing it out on Bluray, and every year your response has been ‘down the road’ or ‘sometime next year’ or words to that effect.

“My most recent article, posted on 8.20.11, suggested in a very cynical vein that Sony Home Video just forget about putting out the Bluray entirely and instead offer From Here To Eternity as a high-def streaming download when such downloads become commonplace in two or three or four years.

“I feel foolish asking again, as I suspect what the answer will probably be, but as your most recent reply was that Eternity would be delayed until sometime in 2012, is that the actual plan? To release it later this year? Or are we thinking yet again about bumping it into 2013 or whenever? Just checking.”

My closing statement to Sony Home Video execs:

“Where did this idea about movies acting as shared-memory experiences, aesthetic-worship rituals and/or opportunities for spiritual nourishment come from anyway? You’re running a business, Sony Home Video, and that’s how you need to play your cards. If a Bluray isn’t likely to bring in a healthy profit that will impress Sony stockholders, fuhgedaboutit.”

The essence of Lou Lumenick‘s 3.1 N.Y. Post article about digital vs. 35mm classic films is that (a) digital versions tend to look sharper and more pronounced, and yet (b) old-school celluloid devotees are suspicious about such claims and blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-blah-blah.

The professionals praising digital versions in the piece are Film Forum programmer Bruce Goldstein, who’s now running a series of classic Columbia films at his Manhattan venue, and Sony preservation guru Grover Crisp, who will showcase the differences between a 35 mm and a digital presentation of Dr. Strangelove at the Film Forum, twice this evening and once tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon.

“We’ve run Taxi Driver alongside our best 35mm print and if you compare the two, the 35mm print is a bit softer and not quite as vibrant,” Crisp tells Lumenick.

No shit?

In an AP piece about Harvey Weinstein‘s fight with the MPAA over the R rating given to Bully, Jake Coyle quotes Weinstein as claiming that “there is precedent for degrading a film’s rating when it serves a greater good.”

Bully‘s R rating is over several f-bombs used by the villains of the piece, and yet the R rating given to Michael Tucker‘s potty-mouthed Gunner Palace (’04) was changed to PG-13 on appeal, he reminds, “because of its worthy subject matter.”

This decision, according to CARA ratings board chief Joan Graves, was “an anomaly” made in “a different time and a different appeals board.” Graves says the lesson of that ruling was that the MPAA shouldn’t wade into territory where it’s deciding ratings based on merit and subject material.

“The danger of our switching our criteria for what we perceive to be good films is that, one day, you and I are not going to agree on what’s good and what’s bad,” Graves tells Coyle, although she does consider Bully a good film. “Our system has always been built on giving the level of content and letting parents make the decision,” she declares.

Nanni Moretti‘s We Have A Pope (called Habemus Papam when it screened last year in Cannes) will be released in select venues by Sundance Selects on 4.6, and will be available nationwide that same month on VOD. This is the new trailer, I’m told:

My 5.13.11 Cannes review: “Habemus Papam is about a newly-chosen Pope (Michel Piccoli) feeling overwhelmed and depressed and unable to pick up the sceptre. The tone is basically one of dry, highly restrained farce.

“I suppose Habemus Papam will be seen in some Roman Catholic circles as a impudent tweaking of the lore of Vatican City, etc. But it struck me as not nearly caustic or judgmental enough.

“Moretti told a journalist earlier this year that it ‘contains a painful core but [is] wrapped in a light tone.’ That about says it. It’s simultaneously gentle and whimsical and melancholy, and a bit silly.

“Piccoli is playing an old man who’s not only depressed but a little bit stupid, trembling and confused and enduring much stress and confusion in simply trying to explain what and who he is, and why he feels so exhausted, etc. I don’t care if some depressives act like this — it’s boring and frustrating to watch.

“And yet the 85 year-old Piccoli gives a touching performance. I’ll give him and Moretti and the film that. But otherwise I was underwhelmed. I’ve since gotten the sense that I wasn’t alone.”