Month: August 2021

The following is the most plainly worded, pared-to-the-bone, no-bullshit comment in yesterday’s “Sopranos Finale Was Cut Wrong” thread:

“Outside of the influence of surrealism and whatnot, smart, strategic, well-ordered cinema RARELY fucks with people’s heads like the final Sopranos scene did. I explained why many were confused or uncertain about what had happened. It was because of the EDITING — David Chase’s decision to not play by basic editing rules at the very end,

“Except for the various dream sequences, The Sopranos was never some trippy cowabunga metaphysical space cadet David Lynch thing that dropped a tab of mescaline as it went off into the wild blue yonder. It followed the rules of clean, no-bullshit storytelling. It didn’t play bait-and-switch fakeout games. It experienced off passages like any longform, but it generally knew what audience expectations were and more or less MET them, episode after episode, season after season.”

Remember what supermodels used to look like ten, twenty, thirty years ago? We all understood the genetic, glowing signals. Rail-thin, sleek, elegant, striking, beautiful, wow. Well, according to the September issue of Vogue, times have changed. Today’s supermodels exemplify the beauty of great genes but also (and more importantly) diversity, varying sizes, wokeness, women supporting women, equality, no one being marginalized, etc.

And just to drive the point home, the eight Vogue models heralded in the new issue — Kaia Gerber (spawn of Cindy Crawford), Anok Yai, Precious Lee, Bella Hadid, Sherry Shi, Ariel Nicholson, Yumi Nu and Lola Leon (daughter of Madonna and Carlos Leon) — all have their hair in a tight bun or pulled into a ponytail. We get it..

The fashion industry has never been about what straight guys think, of course, but what this photo basically confirms is that the age-old pleasure of guys gazing at supermodels is…well, perhaps not “over” but more of a mixed-bag activity. Because two or three of these women, no offense, are not classic head-turners.

The devastatingly beautiful Yai fits the classic mold, of course; ditto Gerber, Hadid, Leon and Li. The alabaster-skinned, ginger-haired Nicholson…okay, fine. The plus-sizers represent a different aesthetic.

Friendo: “This is just virtue-signaling crap. Instagram and Tik Tok still show what kinds of women draw eyeballs. Honestly, has the world ever beheld a more censorious, strident, militant, punishing generation? It’s like in Orwell where things mean the opposite — Ministry of Love, Ministry of Truth, etc. The idea that they love everyone and marginalize no one and everyone is as accepted as they are is, at the very least, PARTIAL BULLSHIT. You agree with them or you’re destroyed. Accept the new aesthetic or face banishment.”

From left: Kaia Gerber (daughter of Cindy Crawford) wears Tom Ford. Anok Yai wears Ralph Lauren Collection. Precious Lee wears Carolina Herrera. Bella Hadid wears Christopher John Rogers. Sherry Shi wears Proenza Schouler. Ariel Nicholson wears Christopher John Rogers. Yumi Nu wears Mara Hoffman. Lola Leon (daughter of Madonna and Carlos Leon) wears Michael Kors Collection. Hair, Lucas Wilson; makeup, Jen Myles. Fashion Editors: Tonne Goodman and Gabriella Karefa-Johnson.Photographed by Ethan James Green, Vogue, September 2021.

It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that Tony Soprano was “hit” at the very end of “Made in America,” the 87th and final episode of The Sopranos. It aired on 6.19.07. or just a bit more than 14 years ago. His assassin was the Italian-looking, beady-eyed guy in the gray “Members Only” jacket who eyeballed Tony and his family as he sat at the counter, and then went into the bathroom, etc.

Producer-creator David Chase never showed this creep coming out of the bathroom and firing a bullet into Tony’s head, but that’s certainly what happened. I understand, however, why some viewers were left uncertain or confused. That was because Chase’s direction and editing were misleading.

If you know the scene (or if you look at it again), you’ll notice that Tony frequently glances here and there and never seems to miss a trick. When Carmela strolls into restaurant he spots her right away; same thing when A.J. and the “Members Only” guy walk in at the same time. When “Members Only” gets up and walks into the bathroom, Tony gives him a quick look. So why wouldn’t he give “Members Only” another glance when he comes out of the bathroom with his pistol drawn?

Because, you could answer, Tony is eyeballing Meadow, the world’s worst parallel parker, as she finally comes through the front door.

Key problem: Three or four times we’re shown POV shots from Tony’s perspective, but when the silent blackout happens we’re not looking at Meadow from his table seat. Instead we’re a shown a slightly off-to-the-right close-up of Tony with the camera positioned two or three feet away but looking straight at him, more or less.

We see him look up, and then the blackout.

Why didn’t Chase put us inside Tony’s head for the final big moment? The perfect shot would have been a Tony-POV shot of Meadow striding through the main door and then the final slam-cut. Obviously. Chase got it wrong.

When the trailer for Dear Evan Hansen (Universal, 9.24) popped on 5.18.21, the worldwide reaction was instantaneous. One, this was clearly a gentle, sensitive high-school musical that was determined to snowflake its audience to death, and two, Ben Platt, who plays the titular character, is too old to play an 18 year-old. Platt was 27 when the film was shot, and he looks at least 33 or 34.

What other performances are generally regarded as off-the-mark because the actor was obviously too old for the part?

If you’re a 20something actor playing a teenager, its better if you’re 21, 22, 23 or 24….no older.

Olivia Newton John was radiant and attractive as Sandy Olsson, a high-school senior, in Grease (shot in ’77, released in ’78). But being 29, she certainly didn’t look 17 or 18.

Richard Beymer was 22 when he played “Tony” in West Side Story, a character who was roughly the same age. Beymer nonetheless seemed at least five years older than his calendar age.

In Joshua Logan‘s Picnic, William Holden played a former college football star and failed actor named Hal Carter, who was supposed to be 25 or thereabouts. Holden was 37 when he made the film. Holden was good looking and physically fit back then, but he was a social drinker and didn’t look a day under 39.

Steve McQueen was 27 or 28 when he played a high-school student in The Blob. He was about as convincing as a teenager back then as Ben Platt is now.

There have to be more, many more…

Friendo: “Last night I was watching Joshua Logan‘s Picnic, a film I’ve always liked, despite it being dated and the fact William Holden is too old (37) for the role he’s playing, a 20something drifter named Hal Carter.

“But William Inge‘s play won the Pulitzer, and I can see why. It’s about sexual repression, small-town isolation, stunted dreams, etc. Themes that are just as relevant today as they were over 60 years ago.

“Which made me think that with the proper handling, Picnic could be made today, and really work. Don’t be so coy about the sex. Cast it better. But stick with the insider look at MAGA-land.

“So here’s my thought: what films that seem dated, but have interesting, still relevant subtext, could be remade today?”

Here’s the problem with remaking Picnic, which was crafted not only by Logan and Inge but screenwriter Daniel Taradash and cinematographer James Wong Howe. The problem is that despite the blandly bucolic and dysfunctional culture of mid ’50s Kansas that Inge came from and wrote about, that realm no longer exists. The outwardly tidy appearance and generally conservative mindset that seemed to prevail in the mid 20th Century heartland has…okay, I haven’t been to rural Kansas since the early ’70s so what do I know? But I can imagine. That region has certainly given way to something less open to the exotic, and probably coarser and trashier.

I don’t want to think about the red-state resentments and recalcitrance that have taken root in that part of the country over the last 60 or 70 years…God, in some ways (though welcomely not all ways) this has become such an ugly country.

So I don’t know about bringing Picnic into the 21st Century, and I don’t know about A Face in the Crowd either. I don’t know if anything written in that far-off, all-but-disappeared culture of Eisenhower America…I don’t think any of it fits into today’s realm.

One thing you’ll never, ever see in an action film is a supporting player (bad or neutral guy) who stands up and is ready to fight or shoot it out with a lead guy, and then — very sensibly! — changes his mind when he realizes that beating or out-drawing the lead guy isn’t in the cards. It happened 52 years ago in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but it hasn’t happened since.

If I’m wrong please remind me of another scene that works like this (i.e., “Uhhm, wait, hold on…I can’t win this one.”).

The card player’s name was Donnelly Rhodes, and he died three and a half years ago. He was 40 or so when he shot this scene with Robert Redford, Paul Newman and director George Roy Hill.

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Bloomberg’s Felix Gillette has seen Alan Taylor and David Chase‘s The Many Saints of Newark (Warner Bros./HBO Max, 10.1) and posted…well, not a “review” but a mildly upbeat assessment. The headline says “HBO Finally Nails a Spinoff With Chase Prequel.” And it more or less explains that Michael Gandolfini, who plays the teenaged Tony Soprano, doesn’t show up until the film’s second half. (Part One is set in Newark in ’67; Part Two, set in ’71 or thereabouts, is set in the Jersey suburbs.)

Excerpt: “Over two action-packed hours, Chase and co-writer Lawrence Konner sketch out much of the Soprano family roots in America.” Describing the film as “action-packed” isn’t necessarily high praise — it just means it’s not a Peter Greenaway film.

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Three and a half years ago there was no pandemic (what a time it was!), and one of the things that got people going was a fierce conviction among #MeTooers that there could be no grading or distinctions among forms of unwelcome sexual attention. Anyone who attempted to say “this is worse than that” got bitchslapped or even beaten. Damon found that out.

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A friend says this 14 year-old video clip isn’t funny any more because it’s racist. Well, it may be racist in the minds of certain woke watchdogs (Variety‘s Steven Gaydos, critics Glenn Kenny and Bob Strauss), but it’s still funny for the rest of us. We all know that the term “Islamic Jihad” basically means “repent or die or better yet bend over to we can cut your head off”, and that this kind of absolutist thinking comes from a cliche that we’ve all heard about conservative Middle-Eastern types being hot-headed or even fanatical when their blood is up.

This Oscar-argument clip is funny because (a) their behavior conforms to the cliche or stereotype, and (b) they’re arguing about performances given by Kate Winslet and Penelope Cruz.