Fall Festival No-Shows

The likely no-show of Ridley Scott‘s House of Gucci (UA Releasing, 11.24) at Venice, Telluride or Toronto is disappointing but understandable. But then the list of interesting-sounding films that won’t be debuting at the early-fall festivals is quite formidable.

Oh, wait…none of this matters because it’s all happening on streaming and cable!

From Jordan Ruimy‘s “PTA, Spielberg, Eastwood, Del Toro, and McKay Skipping Festivals“:

The no-shows include (1) Nightmare Alley (Guillermo del Toro); (2) Soggy Bottom (Paul Thomas Anderson); (3) West Side Story (Steven Spielberg); (4) Cry Macho (Clint Eastwood); (5) Don’t Look Up (Adam McKay); (6) House of Gucci (Ridley Scott), (7) Being the Ricardos (Aaron Sorkin), (8) Tender Bar (George Clooney), (9) A Journal for Jordan (Denzel Washington)

And what about The Many Saints of Newark? That’s not doing Telluride either.

The big-name directors who will escort new films to the fall festivals include Pedro Almodovar, Jane Campion, Paul Schrader, Denis Villeneuve, Edgar Wright and Paolo Sorrentino.” Compare that roster to no Clint, no PTA, no Ridley, no Guillermo, no Denzel, no Adam McKay, no Spielberg, no Clooney, no Sorkin.

Clooney’s “Tender Bar”

George Clooney‘s The Tender Bar (Amazon), a proletariat community relationship flick (Manhasset) with a father-son, male-role-model current, will presumably begin streaming sometime in the mid-to-late fall season. Ben Affleck, Tye Sheridan, Chris Lloyd and Lily Rabe topline.

I’ll never touch another drop for the rest of my life, but every now and then (and I mean rarely) I’ll say to myself “I kind of miss that warm, boozy, half-in-the-bag camaraderie…stroll into a bar, bend the elbow, get a buzz-on,” etc. But not that much.

Review excerpt of sametitled book: “A Pulitzer-Prize winning writer for the Los Angeles Times, J.R. Moehringer (played by Sheridan) grew up fatherless in pub-heavy Manhasset, New York, in a ramshackle house crammed with cousins and ruled by an eccentric, unkind grandfather (Chris Lloyd).

“Desperate for a paternal figure, he turns to his Uncle Charlie (Affleck), and subsequently, Uncle Charlie’s place of employment — a bar called Dickens that soon takes center stage.

Publishers Weekly: “You needn’t be a writer to appreciate the romance of the corner tavern or, for that matter, of the local dive in a suburban strip mall.

“But perhaps it does take a writer to explain the appeal of these places that ought to offend us on any number of levels…[such as] what would we do without them, and what would we do without the companionship of fellow pilgrims whose journey through life requires the assistance of a drop or two?

More than anything else, Moehringer’s book is a homage to the culture of the local pub. That’s where young J.R. seeks out the companionship of male role models in place of his absent father, where he receives an education that has served him well in his career and where, inevitably, he looks for love, bemoans its absence and mourns its loss.

“Moehringer grew up in Manhasset, a place, he writes, that ‘believed in booze.’ At a young age, he became a regular — not a drinker, of course, for he was far too young. But while still tender of years, he was introduced to the culture, to the companionship and — yes — to the romance of it all. ”

“‘Everyone has a holy place, a refuge, where their heart is purer, their mind clearer, where they feel close to God or love or truth or whatever it is they happen to worship,’ he writes. “For young J.R., that place was a gin mill on Plandome Road where his Uncle Charlie was a bartender and a patron.

The Tender Bar‘s emotional climax comes after its native son has found success as a journalist for the Los Angeles Times. On September 11, 2001, almost 50 souls who lived and loved in Moehringer’s home town of Manhasset were killed in the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. One was a bartender we’ve met along the way. Another was one of the author’s cousin.

“Moehringer’s lovely evocation of an ordinary place filled with ordinary people gives dignity and meaning to those lost lives, and to his own.”

Intensive Care

I personally feel as if a combination Amtrak and freight train that I’ve been riding on and living off most of my professional life (spiritually and economically) has jumped the tracks.

Even five years ago (summer of ‘16) we were all part of a hugely different landscape, or soul-scape even. Even with the overwhelming formulaic Marvel/D.C. scourge (which had begun around ’05) there were pockets of vibrancy…opportunities for surprises and odd possibilities….who knew?

Then the realm started to convulse and consume itself by way of four traumatic shake-ups that amounted to a perfect storm:

(a) the horror and chaos of Trump, and the sense that rural racist bumblefuck attitudes that Trump winked at and empowered (Charlottesville, George Floyd) + older white male sexist establishment attitudes (Weinstein, et. al.) had to be resisted head-on;

(b) regimented cinematic woke political currents (the traditional function of nervy smarthouse cinema up-ended by required SJW narratives & the transformation of Sundance and to a lesser extent Toronto into instructive progressive re-education camps);

(c) streaming overtaking exhibition (thus ensuring that the “go woke, go broke” effect wouldn’t interfere with said narrative); and…

(d) the concurrent pandemic effect of ‘20 and ‘21, which has all but killed exhibition (which had already been isolating itself by succumbing to the gladiator-arena syndrome, which was caused by a tidal shift in audience appetites due to adult-level dramas moving to cable and streaming).

The film world was far from idyllic before all this happened but the last four or five years have been shattering. The only upside I can see is that the pandemic ejected Trump from the White House, although the psychology of Trump Nation has obviously persisted if not metastasized.

What The N.Y. Times Meant To Say…

…is that there might be some pregnant men out there who should know that it’s cool to get a Covid vaccine, according to the CDC. The story, titled “The C.D.C. Endorses Covid vaccinations During Pregnancy“, was written by Roni Caryn Rabin.

I don’t mean to sound clueless. We all watched Arnold Schwarzenegger get pregnant and give birth 27 years ago in Junior. But in the real political world of ’21 this is precisely the kind of thing that people hate about the progressive left. This plus CRT and a few other things is why the Democrats might (God forbid) suffer losses in the ’22 mid-terms, and why (God forbid) a monster like Ron DeSantis might prevail in ’24. Because generally speaking, Average Joes aren’t cool with the idea of men giving birth…we all know it’s happened between trans couples but c’mon, man

Valiant Friends Have Your Back

“Things are looking bleak for our heroes: they gave it their best, and may have even briefly looked like winning, but in the end, the villains were too strong, the heroes too few, and all that’s left is just enough time for some last words and a Last Stand…

“…Wait, what’s that? Did I just hear a bugle?

It’s the Cavalry, riding in to save the day! Maybe they’re some minor characters who’ve banded together to mount a rescue, or maybe they’re the local Men of Sherwood, or maybe they are characters Not Quite Dead after all, or maybe they’re Han Solo diving into the fray at the last minute. Any way you slice it they exist to storm in at the last minute, save the heroes and convert a Downer Ending into an out-and-out win for the good guys.

“This and other related tropes are named for the classic Western trope of the US cavalry charging over the brow of the hill just in time to save the beleaguered settlers from the Indians in far too many Westerns to count.” — from “The Cavalry,” www.tvtropes.org.

In this instance, the U.S. Cavalry arrives around the 1:30 mark. (Posted nearly three years by LatestSightings.com.)

Bill Murray in Mad Dog and Glory (1:20 mark): “The Seventh Cavalry. What’s that make us, the friggin’ Comanches? Dut-dah-dut-dah-dut-dah-dut-dah-TAT-tuh-TAT-tuh-dahhh!”

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“Don’t They Know It’s The End of the World?”

All in a single comment thread posted today, the utterly cancerous malignancy afflicting movies today + the ADD effect of streaming — Dyson, Henry, Miesel and Rawls:

Miles Dyson: “It might be me, but streaming has made watching movies harder. I can’t get invested like I used to. There is a major difference between making an effort to go sit down in a cinema and launching an app. I find myself not sticking to things at all. A lot of it is so blah.”

Hardcore Henry: “I swear the rise of apps has single-handedly helped drive the rise of ADHD. I’m one of the most focused, undistracted people I know (not even trying to #humblebrag here — it certainly has its detriments) and the damn things make me fidget and twitch like Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys.”

Pete Miesel: “Virtually every film coming out these days is a superhero movie, a film version of an amusement park ride, a remake of a TV series, an adaptation of a previously published novel, or a musical jukebox biography where every character addresses each other by their full names (‘good point, John Lennon of the Beatles’). And we’re worried about social realism??”

Lou Rawls’ Ego: “Most box office being from non-US markets is why movies are so dumb and bland.”

Speaking of Almodovar…

This Tijuana guy has a little bit of that Almodovar spark…a little bit of that creative madness. We’re staying near La Fonda this evening, and having Anya fixed tomorrow in Rosarito Beach, for much less than it would cost in WeHo.

Nutrition

Variety: “Instagram has issued an apology to Spanish auteur Pedro Almodóvar for removing a poster for Parallel Mothers (Madres paralelas), his upcoming Venice opener . The poster in question depicts a lactating nipple. It was initially posted on Monday, and then removed for violating Instagram’s rules against nudity.”

Nudity? This is mother-and-child boobery.

David Rabe’s “Streamers”

Even apart from the woke bullshit, the basic economic model of Hollywood — you spend this much on a movie, it’s got to make the money back — has broken down because of the economics of the streamers. Which, some would argue, not only takes the thrill out of things, to put it mildly, but ensures something else.

In other words: Netflix can spend $220 million on one bad action film, it can lose all of that, and it does not matter, because their business model is “it’s all about the subscriptions, it’s all about the subscriptions, it’s all about the subscriptions, it’s all about the subscriptions, it’s all about the subscriptions….”

It’s that formula that makes the triumph of woke aesthetics possible, that makes “get woke, go broke” irrelevant. Because, of course, “get woke, go broke” remains true. Nobody — nobody! — gives a fuck about woke issues except for the one or two percent of the population who are the scum liberals who control the media and Hollywood.

Without the impossible-to-lose reality of streamer economics, none of this would work.

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New Telluride Protocols

Today the 2021 Telluride Film Festival added the following protocols:

• All attendees traveling to Telluride for the SHOW, must present proof of a negative PCR test conducted within 72 hours of arrival in Telluride. Local passholders will also need to present proof of a negative PCR test conducted within 72 hours of collecting passes. In both circumstances we ask for a printed copy of the test results to be presented for each passholder when passes are collected at the SHOW Box Office. If unable to provide negative test, the attendees will be unable to pick up the pass and pass will be held until negative test provided.

•. A mobile antigen and PCR testing unit will additionally be made available to all attendees for added peace of mind while in Telluride

• Masks covering nose and mouth will be required for audiences at all film screenings

• Masks covering nose and mouth are required when awaiting, boarding, traveling on, or disembarking all Festival transportation, including charter flights.

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Family of Three

Michael B. Jordan plays Charles Monroe King, a young, happily-in-love military guy serving in the Middle East who writes a journal of his experience for his son, Jordan. That’s two Jordans — actor Jordan + infant son Jordan.

But the instant that Jordan, the 34 year-old movie star, stands up buff and bare-chested, you’re going “wait, wait…who’s built like this? How much did he pay his trainer?”

Based on Dana Canedy‘s “A Journal for Jordan: A Story of Love and Honor,” the forthcoming Sony release — directed by Denzel Washington, written by Virgil Williams — opens on 12.10.21.

It’s fairly obvious what the film is about, what the main current is.

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