The only “ism” that’s still allowed is ageism — you can have at that all you want. And white guys are the only ethnic group you can dump on with absolutely no fear of reprisal. Because white guys are mostly assholes, right?
And not just the rich, powerful ones but white professional-class dicks you might run into in upscale bars, white-male skilled laborers, snotty-ass white hinterland teenagers, white GenX and boomer-aged freelancers, white male actors, comedians and comedy writers, white dads (divorced or married), white policemen, white male office managers. white male airline pilots…they’re all bad news.
Chelsea Handler to N.Y. Times columnist/podcaster Kara Swisher in 7.8.21 piece called “Chelsea Handler Has A Message for Straight Men“:
“We’re having a social justice and racial justice movement, and so there’s tons to play with and tons to talk about. And we’re all kind of saying goodbye to so many of the things that we’re so accustomed to doing, having to say goodbye to words that you used to think were okay, having to say goodbye to phrases and ways to describe things that you think were okay…
“And”…here it comes!…”having to say goodbye to men for a while because they’re on probation. And until they’ve proven to us that there are more good ones than bad ones, there’s one big group we’re still able to make fun of. And that’s white guys who don’t seem to be getting the message of the movement that’s happening. I’m single so I deal with a lot of straight men who don’t seem to understand that either get on the bus, or you’re going to miss it.”
Did you hear that? Did you understand it clearly? Handler is persuaded that for the most part, there are more “bad” white guys than “good” white guys out there, and therefore the probation status. The world she inhabits is seriously asking itself “are these guys even worth it?” The thinking seems to be that most of them are dicks or at least insufficiently evolved, and they don’t even seem interested in upping their game or broadening their horizons so who needs the bullshit?
Powerful rich white guys are routinely dismissed these days as thugs and assholes, especially those who’ve been portrayed in the media as brash, arrogant, entitled, etc. How should they respond to these characterizations and charges? They can dispute them, of course, but the simplest (and probably the healthiest) response is to take a look in the bathroom mirror and say “okay, I’ve acted like a dick at times and I’m sorry…I could do better and I will try to do that.” That wasn’t so hard, was it?
It follows, naturally, that there are varying degrees of assholery. Starting at the highest (or lowest) levels, there are (a) astounding assholes, (b) exceptional assholes, (c) major-league assholes, (d) average assholes, (e) moderate in-and-out assholes, (f) occasional-but-not-all-that-bad assholes, (g) infrequent assholes and (h) spotty assholes. And those who aren’t assholes at all.
It also follows…I don’t think I’m allowed to say this but what about moderately asshole-ish females? That doesn’t sound right, does it? “Asshole” sounds like a term that guys own. Doesn’t sound right if applied to women, even though they exist. So what’s a fair, non-sexist term for women who are brash, insensitive, obnoxious, arrogant, indifferent to their own shortcomings, etc.?
Female friend to HE: “Bitch. That’s what I say.”
HE to female friend: “That’s a very specific thing, no?”
Female friend to HE: “She’s such a bitch. You can’t say it but I can.”
HE to female friend: “Hah.”
Back to Handler: “Yeah, I mean, all those guys deserve to be made fun of because they’re all assholes. You know what I mean? Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk for sure. Yeah, all of those guys. When you guys make that much money, we’ve got a big problem with capitalism in this country. So yeah, those guys are on the table to make fun of.
“Look at Bill Gates. I thought Bill Gates was this great guy. I was like, look at him. He’s the best billionaire. Warren Buffett — he’s the best billionaire. And then you find out Bill and Melissa are getting divorced. And you’re like, divorced? He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy. He wouldn’t be having an affair. He wouldn’t be doing…and then you fucking find out, yeah, he could have been! Or he could have been at Jeffrey Epstein’s. I mean, allegedly, possibly. Who knows? But it’s like nobody would be fucking Bill Gates in the real world. Nobody.”
HE to Handler: So if a marriage has gone stale or run its course, the husband is automatically an asshole? The wife is 100% blameless? And if you’re bored with your marriage and you’ve decided you’d like to explore a potential new chapter…middle-aged people do this from time to time…the white 40ish husband is automatically an asshole? Did Handler read about Gates’ pathetic, half-hearted attempts to date this or that woman whom he knew from work? And then she turns around and belittles Gates by saying nobody would have fucked him anyway? Maybe they wouldn’t have, but imagine some guy saying that about a well-known, successful woman who isn’t the greatest looker, “No guy would want to fuck her…nobody.”
If a prominent guy were to say this in a N.Y. Times interview, he would be roasted alive.
Handler to Swisher: “There’s an evolution with everybody. And the problem with a lot of these men that have been canceled is they’re not sincerely apologizing, you know?
“My therapy, my whole thing has been on public record. I actually have had an evolution. I do want to be kinder and gentler. I want my jokes to not be reflective of a time in my life that I wasn’t aware of how they impact people. Your words are powerful, especially someone like me, who has a very big mouth. People that do, do that, you can forgive them. You do understand that Chrissy Teigen’s situation, she admitted her bad behavior. She said, ‘I’m really sorry.’ And that’s what we should all be doing when confronted with anything we’ve done, is say, ‘I’m sorry. Thank you for letting me know. I’m going to do better,’ period, end of story.”
HE to Handler: “You’re completely correct. People of maturity and character suck it up and admit error, and they offer apologies where appropriate. We all need to grow and become better people. Definitely.
“But you know what? For the most part offering apologies and becoming better people are not, generally speaking, funny activities. Compassion is necessary and showing obeisance before the woke mob is something we all have to do in order to survive, but it’s not all that funny. Really. Show me more than one or two instances in which big-time comedians of the past have gotten laughs or guffaws or chuckles or even murmuring titters by offering apologies. Apologies are not funny.”
