With the 66th Cannes Film Festival jury being chaired, as previously announced, by director, producer and swaggering industry heavyweight Steven Spielberg, the following were announced last night as jury members: Nicole Kidman, French actor Daniel Auteuil, director Ang Lee, Indian actress Vidya Balan (who?), director Lynne Ramsay (“Hey, Lynne, you’ve just quit Jane Got A Gun in a traumatic and headline-making way…want something to do that’ll put the spring back in your step?”), director Cristian Mungiu and two-time Academy Award winner Christoph (called “Christopher” in the Cannes press release) Waltz.

I spent all morning working with a brilliant web maestro who converted Hollywood Elsewhere to WordPress. We’ve been trying to make the new re-design look right, and it just won’t. And then I spent a long time having an email argument with a close colleague who thinks the design we’re working on is basically shit and that I’m moving too fast. (I want to get this done before flying to Germany.) He’s telling me that I need to hire a serious pro. But I don’t want to re-invent the wheel here.

You have to be good at a certain craft or art form (as I am with writing) to know when you’re not so good at something else. I am at best a mediocre designer. My design tastes are overly conservative. But I have a reasonably good sense of visual balance and I know when something looks pretty good or at least tolerable. But I’m not good enough to amaze myself. Which is why I feel beat and beaten.

All good members of the online cognoscenti are hereby required to give this trailer their full consideration and then offer whatever comment and criticism that may seem appropriate.

Hunter Todd‘s Worldfest, an annual Houston event for the last 50-odd years, is no one’s idea of a major-league, must-attend film festival. But at least it’s getting some press over an alleged racial profiling incident last Saturday in which Todd asked a woman dressed in Muslim attire to allow him to check her backpack.

Is it really that crazy for a nice-enough guy like Todd (whom I’ve met) to ask a female University of Houston student who was dressed “in a full Muslim hijab” to let him please check her backpack to make double-sure that festival attendess aren’t about to be blown up? This was five days after the Boston bombing, remember. Then again this woman may have been (and may still be) an idiot. If I was wearing Muslim garb I sure as hell wouldn’t walk around with a backpack, for Chrissake. Would anyone with a shred of common sense? You can bet she would have been questioned if Worldfest was based in Tel Aviv.

The Houston Chronicle‘s Robert Stanton reports today that University of Houston student Mike Rudd “confronted Todd [after Saturday’s incident] and accused him of racially profiling the UH student.” Seriously?

“Todd acknowledges that he singled out the woman because of the Muslim attire she was wearing,” Stanton writes. “He said he initially did not know if the person was a man or woman. ‘She’s dressed in a full Muslim hijab and was carrying a heavy backpack, and I was concerned about the safety of my guests,” Todd said. Todd denied racially profiling the woman. He said he was on guard because of the explosion that rocked the Boston Marathon just days earlier, killing three people and injuring at least 140.

“‘What am I supposed to do?,’ he asked. ‘Allow a terrorist to blow up 200 people?'”

It’s been nearly 15 years since I caught a show at the Greek Theatre, but I would go to this May 5th Los Lobos concert if I wasn’t going to be visiting the Monuments Men set in Germany. Conventional wisdom says Los Lobos peaked a quarter-century ago but I really liked The Town and The City (’06).

There’s absolutely no question that Pain & Gain director Michael Bay said to Miami Herald critic Rene Rodriguez that “I apologize for Armageddon” — here’s the mp3 of Bay blurting out these exact words — but he meant the hyper-fast pacing of that 1998 blockbuster and not the film as a whole.

Pain & Gain director Michael Bay at last night’s Los Angeles premiere.

Two days ago I reported that Bay had “literally apologized” to Rodriguez in a 4.21 Miami Herald piece “for the frame-fucked, machine-gun cutting of Armageddon.” But then other outlets ran this and sloppily made it sound as if Bay was apologizing for the entire damn thing. And then Bay said on his website that he’d been misquoted by Rodriguez.

In a piece called “I’m Proud of Armageddon,” Bay said Rodriguez had gone “too far in reporting false information. He has printed the bare minimum of my statement which in effect have twisted my words and meaning. What I clearly said to the reporter is [that] I wish I had more time to edit the film, specifically the the third act. He asked me in effect what would you change if you could in your movies if you could go back. I said I wish we had a few more weeks in the edit room on Armageddon.”

Here, again, is the line in which he says the phrase “I apologize for Armageddon.” (I’ve tried six times to post a somewhat longer passage in which Bay talks about the process of cutting Armageddon‘s third act, but the damn thing won’t play.) Bay can’t deny what he said, but the mainstream press — not Rodriguez — did distort his meaning by implying Bay was apologizing for making a crappy film or something. Which he certainly didn’t do.

The Bay apology story is apparently being covered on tonight’s Access Hollywood (which goes on at 7:30 Eastern). Rodriguez offered to let Access Hollywood record his tape of Bay saying what he said but the staffer he spoke with declined, apparently deciding that running a transcript of the conversaton would suffice.

Neil LaBute‘s Some Velvet Morning screened last night at The Tribeca Film Festival, and occasional HE correspondent Clayton Loulan sent along some impressions. “The film was shot over eight days (yes…days) in Brooklyn,” he begins, “and the question on everyone’s mind was will this film erase or mitigate the sins of LaBute’s Lakeview Terrace and The Wicker Man? The short answer is yes but the longer answer likely has to do with how the ending hits you.

Some Velvet Morning star Alice Eve, director-writer Neil LaBute beforre last night’s Tribeca Film Festival showing.

“In a chat with LaBute after the screening, he said he knows what people expect from him and was very conscious in the writing and directing of the film of both playing to expectations and giving people something else entirely. My feeling is that Velvet teeters on the brink of self-parody before pulling back on the wheel and flipping you the bird. You’ll either appreciate that or you won’t.

“It’s the story of the older Fred (Stanley Tucci) and the younger Velvet (Alice Eve), two ex-lovers who spend 83 minutes in conversation throughout what feels like every room of Velvet’s more than spacious apartment. Fred has left his wife and shows up with his bags packed and ready to move in with Velvet and start over. Velvet has moved on and just wants to have lunch with one of her friends. We begin to peel back the layers of their backstory. Battles ensue. Objects are broken. Insults fly. Their motivations shift and each party has equal chance to play the aggressor and the persecuted.

“Some Velvet Morning doesn’t feel as outwardly provocative as In The Company of Men and the scope is smaller, but more precise. This one plays like the scalpel to Men’s sledgehammer.”

In my mind, a major auteur like Wong Kar Wai directing a martial arts film is like Stanley Kubrick directing a 1987 cop-buddy drama starring Jim Belushi. There’s nothing more soul-numbing or soul-draining than the regimentation of a martial-arts film. I was going to title this “Two Wongs Don’t Make A Wight.” I don’t know what I was thinking.

I sometime arrive at these things late (where was I last Thursday?), but the obviously still-raw animus between Ford and Chewy…the “bit,” I mean…is fairly funny.

This obviously suggests that Ethan Hawke and Jule Delpy enjoy some kind of temporary serenity in Before Midnight. Richard Linklater‘s film is far from Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolff?, but much of the time the marital waters are at the very least choppy. This doesn’t look like Greece (which is where the film takes place) as much as the rocky cliffs adjacent to the Hotel du Cap, which I’ve visited many times during the Cannes Film Festival. 13 years ago I spotted Hawke strolling around the grounds with a young kid, back when he was married to Uma Thurman.

Deadline‘s Pete Hammond is reporting that last February’s Oscar producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, who were recently and somewhat arrogantly re-hired by outgoing Academy chief Hawk Koch to produce the 2014 telecast, have offered the host gig once again to Seth McFarlane. With all the flack that McFarlane got from women about “We Saw Your Boobs”?

It’s possible that Mcfarlane won’t be able to take the job, Hammond writes, because he’ll be making a Western comedy called A Million Ways To Die in the West. But it could happen. Why McFarlane again? Because the last show’s ratings were pretty good, particular among younger males. But how do women feel about this? Does this smack of old-boy’s-club cronyism at its most tedious or what?

And by the way, with Zadan and Meron running things again does this mean we’ll have to sit through another Chicago fantasia or some other tribute to one of their films?

Nikki Finke was dead-on when she recently wrote the following on 4.16: “choosing the producers of the Oscars is probably the single most important job of the AMPAS president. And yet Hawk [Koch], serving for only one year and knowing he was a lame duck, broke protocol and today announced the re-hiring of Zadan/Meron for the March 2, 2014 telecast. That should have been his successor’s privilege and responsibility.

“Tom Sherak tried to do the same for the February 24th, 2013, telecast by soliciting Lorne Michaels as Oscars producer and NBC Late Night host Jimmy Fallon as Oscars host. Sherak went to the Academy’s Board Of Governors on his own initiative and said, “If I can find a producer, would you be interested?” The Board said yes. But Koch as 1st vp told colleagues Sherak shouldn’t be doing this within a mere matter of weeks before the new president was elected. Koch even complained directly to Sherak about it. Disney nixed the choice of Fallon — and Koch made his own choices. Now he took that choice away from his successor.”

Coming Soon‘s Ed Douglas, a good and bright fellow whom I’ve known for several years and with whom I’ve roomed during Sundance and co-recorded Hollywood Elsewhere podcasts, is in trouble. He was diagnosed with acute lukemia last week while attending CinemaCon in Las Vegas. Now he’s about to start chemo treatments in a hospital in Columbus, Ohio, which is near his family’s home. He has no insurance and needs help. Here’s a donation page.

I just spoke to Ed in his hospital room. He sounded alert, chipper, spirited. His cell phone is having issues (you can hear him and he can hear you but you can’t easily converse back and forth) but he gave me his hospital room phone #. (Get in touch if you want it — I’m sure he’d like to hear from friends.)

Before we spoke Ed had just received a bone marrow treatment of some kind. The plan, he said, is to go through 28 days of treatment and then go right back on the job. Good attitude! I told him I loved him and that everyone in the journo and industry community is supporting him big-time and that the fund is up to $15 K now and to hang in there. “Wow, that’s crazy,” Douglas said.

When I began talking about this with Sasha Stone this morning, the goal was $10K and the donations were somewhere around $3800 or $3900. Ten or fifteen minutes later the donations were up to $5 K. They kept going up and up. Now the goal is $50K and the donations are around $15 K.