“So let’s say — just as a hypothetical for instance — you are an 81-year-old star whose last movie was in 1991 and who hasn’t been to the Oscars in many a long year. Not that you were ever nominated for one in the first place; you were, after all, a sex symbol for most of your career. As the evening approaches, the anxiety sets in. Harsh lights, you think. High-definition cameras. And a public that remembers you chiefly as the ice goddess whose beauty once drove James Stewart to the brink of madness.

I don’t blame Kim Novak — I blame the plastic surgeon. He (no woman would do this to another woman) should be brought up on charges. I honestly felt that her face looked a little bit like John Merrick’s. I’m sorry but I felt humiliated for her.

“And even back then, when you were 25 years old, you worried constantly that no matter how you looked, it wasn’t good enough.

Paddy Chayefsky‘s The Americanization of Emily (’64) is about as intelligent and savvy as an adult political satire can get. (I’ve always loved the phrase “positively clanking with moral fervor.”) It’s nowhere near the class of The Hospital or Network or even Altered States. Too much speechifying. And there’s no way an anti-war Naval officer like James Garner‘s Charlie Madison would exist in the middle of World War II, even as a London-based “dog robber.” His philosophy is pure mid ’60s. But I love ’60s black-and-white films, and so I’d buy the forthcoming Warner Archive Bluray in a second. But I’ve already bought Vudu’s HDX version, and I can’t imagine it looking any better.

Arie Posin‘s The Face of Love (IFC Films, 3.7) is a mostly mediocre love story. The performances aren’t half bad and at times touch bottom or are good for a chuckle, but the ghastly, on-the-nose script (by Posin and Matthew McDuffe) sucks the oxygen out of the room. The film is basically about how a well-off 50ish widow named Nikki (Annette Bening) poisons a promising relationship with Tom (Ed Harris), a nice, middle-aged artist, by lying her ass off. She’s attracted to Tom because he’s an absolute dead ringer for her deceased husband, Garrett (also played by Harris), who drowned five years ago. But instead of copping to that simple fact, she lies and lies and lies and lies all through the film. The only reason Nikki/Bening gradually opens up is because she’s forced to. Needless to add she’s a total drag to hang with.

Grantland‘s Mark Harris has ripped into yours truly in a 3.3 piece about the Oscars. In paragraph #8, to be precise. [See below] So here are replies to some of his assertions, which, summed up, basically pat the Academy on the back for a job relatively well done. Not perfectly (in part because they gave their Best Supporting Oscar to Dallas Buyer’s Club‘s Jared Leto, whose performance didn’t ring Harris’s bell) but good enough.

Harris statement #1: “Academy voters turned to a tough, sad, hard film about our own bad past made by a black Englishman and said, ‘This was the best of the year.’

Wells response: No, they didn’t do that, Mark. A relatively small portion of the membership did. Probably a third or a bit less. Nobody will ever know the exact percentage but this was almost certainly no landslide. Harris knows full well there was a very strong concern among many award-season pundits that quite a few Academy members either didn’t like 12 Years A Slave enough to vote for it or hadn’t even popped the screener in (or had skipped through the brutal parts if they had). I’m certain that Harris also suspects, like everyone else, that 12 years A Slave barely squeaked through to a win, and that if the Best Picture race had been a mano e mano between Slave and Gravity, the Academy would have definitely given the Best Picture prize to Alfonso Cuaron‘s space ride. Dollars to donuts Steve McQueen‘s film was saved because the anti-Slave vote split between Gravity, American Hustle and to a lesser extent Philomena.

Ask anyone on the street and he/she will tell you that the real-life character played by Chiwetel Ejiofor in 12 Years A Slave was named Solomon Northup. They’ll also tell you his last name wasn’t spelled Northrop or Northrup. Yesterday this fact was emphasized by yesterday’s New York Times correction about a story about Northup’s forced enslavement that was published 161 years ago, to wit: “An article on Jan. 20, 1853, recounting the story of Solomon Northup, whose memoir ‘12 Years a Slave‘ became a movie 160 years later that won the Best Picture Oscar at the 86th Academy Awards on Sunday night, misspelled his surname as Northrop. And the headline misspelled it as Northrup.” As President Kennedy reminded on 4.27.61, “An error does not become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.”

For some reason a no-big-deal snap of Warren Beatty shooting his Howard Hughes film in some modest, middle-class Pasadena neighborhood earlier today has my interest. It was apparently taken by author/screenwriter Sandi Tan, who posted on her Facebook page. Tan also posted a shot of Hughes costars Alden Ehrenreich and Lily Collins relaxing between shots and pondering smartphone distraction. Tan was told by a production assistant that set photography wasn’t allowed so she took a few from inside her home. The secretiveness and the paranoia about snapshots mirrors Hughes’ real-life attitude about same; ditto being observed by outsiders. Beatty is playing Hughes so he’s presumably adhering to character. Beatty’s wife Annette Bening is costarring.

Warren Beatty in blue baseball cap.

Alden Ehrenreich in black suit, glasses.

It’s all well and good for HuffPost movie guy Ricky Camilleri and guest Glenn Kenny to talk about 2014 films by major auteurs (as they did seven weeks ago), but remember there are 45 films opening between now and 12.31.14 that I’ve ranked as high-pedigree or respectably second-tier. [They’re listed in the Oscar Balloon box.] And if you add my respectable megaplex tally you’ve got another 15 for a total of 60. Including, as noted earlier today, two from Noah Baumbach and two from Terrence Wackadoodle.

Budgeted at $165 million and change, Michael Bay‘s Transformers: Age of Extinction is the first Shia LaBeouf-less film in the long-running franchise. Everybody got a good payday from this. Mark Wahlberg made like a bandit, I’m guessing. Producers Don Murphy, Tom DeSanto, Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Ian Bryce have also been well compensated. Paramount Pictures is releasing this fourth installment, shot in 3D, on 6.27.14. What do want me to say about this? Nothing. I don’t even know precisely what Dinobots are. I can guess how they differ visually from Autobots, but what’s the point?

From Broadcast Film Critics Association honcho Joey Berlin: “It has long been noted that voting for the Critics’ Choice Movie Awards is remarkably similar to voting for the Academy Awards. This year, however, the resemblance was simply uncanny. Not only did we have the same winners in the Big Six categories (Best Picture, Director and the acting categories), but our winners were the same in virtually every other category — Original Screenplay, Adapted Screenplay, Cinematography, Art Direction, Costume Design, Editing, Visual Effects, Animated Feature, Documentary Feature, Song and Score. In the categories where we both give awards, the only places where we parted with the Academy were Best Foreign Language Feature and Best Hair and Makeup.”

Noah Baumbach and Terrence Malick have something in common this year. Both are brand-name auteurs with two features in the can each and no distribution deals in place. Or none that I’ve been told about. Baumbach’s pair are Manhattan-set — Untitled Public School Project and While We’re Young. Malick’s films are the romantic-triangle Austin movie (formerly called Lawless) that began shooting in 2012 and Knight of Cups, the Christian Bale-Natalie Portman drama which was shot before or subsequently or whatever. Who cares? I know that Malick and Bale shot footage at the Austin City Limits Festival in September 2011.

(l. to r.) Ben Stiller, Noah Baumbach and Adam Driver shooting While We’re Young last September.

Illustration from 4.13.13 New Yorker profile of Noah Baumbach, written by Ian Parker.

My favorite line of the night came when the Mexican-born Alfonso Cuaron thanked “the wise guys of Warner Brothers.” If he hadn’t corrected himself the implication would have been that the WB guys are a little bit shady, a gang of gamblers and connivers and goodfellas, etc. Which probably isn’t too far from the truth. My heart sank when Cuaron restated himself by saying “the wise people of Warner Brothers!” I prefer to think that “wise guys” was a Freudian slip rather than a mis-applied term, but Cuaron, who is absolutely one of the most articulate guys I know in this town (along with Guillermo del Toro and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu), will never cop to this.

“Tonight, there are so many different possibilities. Possibility number one: 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture. Possibility number two: You’re all racists! Now, for our first white presenter, Anne Hathaway!” An HE colleague asks the following: “Does anyone think maybe, just maybe the producers who hired the ‘safe’ Ellen over an edgier choice would really let her tell what is essentially a Chris Rock joke at the top of the show unless they knew 12 Years A Slave was the winner?” Zadan and Meron could be the new Gil Cates (i.e., they want the gig for years and years), and I don’t think they would let her call the Academy racist ‘in quotes’ unless they knew that joke had a happy ending. Of course they have control over her script. The writers included former SNL people and so I’m sure they threw out some even edgier stuff.” My response: You’re presuming that the Price Waterhouse guys share the results with the producers. But you’re right about one thing — that was a Chris Rock joke, and if he had been hosting and told it instead of Ellen it would have gotten a different reaction.