A lot of people saw Gaukur Ulfarsson‘s Gnarr last night at the Tribeca Film Festival; I saw it today in my living room. It’s a mild-mannered, good-enough doc about comedian Jon Gnarr running a half-farcical, half-sincere campaign for mayor of Reykavik. He ran as the candidate of the Best party, which was basically about throwing out the bums who’d played any kind of part in Iceland’s (and the world’s) financial crisis. And the voters did that, more or less, because Gnarr won…great! I wish this country had fewer Tea Party-ers and more Gnarrs.

A better film, I think, would have been a little tougher on Gnarr. It would have drilled a bit more into whatever shortcomings he may have (or had) and showed us more about his opponents. It feels too friendly, but it seems relatively honest as far as it goes.

Why is a Bluray upgrade of From Here to Eternity that was supervised by Sony’s Grover Crisp in ’09 still without a firm release date (sometime in early ’12 is the best guess so far)? Why does Paramount refuse to even talk about producing a mint-condition Bluray of the breathtakingly beautiful Shane, one of the jewels in the Paramount crown? Why did it take personal pressuring by Steven Spielberg before Paramount honcho Brad Grey agreed to fund the full-boat restoration of the three Godfather films?

And why right now are there only three Hollywood-based, studio-berthed restoration guys who are serious Movie Catholics and plugging away at trying to bring out tip-top Bluays from the cream of their libraries — Paramount’s Ron Smith, 20th Century Fox’s Schawn Belston and Sony’s Crisp?

I’ll tell you why. Because the classic-film Bluray market is withering and perhaps even drawing to a close. (I’m not saying “dead” because it thankfully hasn’t come to that…yet.) High-def classics will return, I suspect, when and if high-speed digital download technology improves. But Bluray is almost certainly down for the count. This is nothing short of an earthquake-level development, and one worth pondering just before the start of Hollywood’s TCM Classic Film Festival (4.28 through 5.1), which is probably the most important celebration of classic films going on right now in this country.

For the last 25 years or so the elite film-buff culture has had a relatively steady stream of classic films being restored, remastered and replicated out on the most advanced format of a given time — laser discs from the late ’80s to the late ’90s, DVDs from ’97 until three or four years ago, and Blurays ever since. But these days classic titles aren’t selling like they used to (Warner Home Video’s Gone With The Wind and Wizard of Oz Bluray restorations costs mllions and failed, I’m told, to turn a profit), and those in positions of power in the Bluray distribution business aren’t about to risk their jobs by pushing for restored Bluray titles that might financially fizzle. And those who get occasional work from these same people are loath to say anything for fear of being blacklisted…omerta.

The result is that potential first-rate Bluray upgrades of many fine classic films are either being ignored or on hold, in large part because they cost too much to restore and/or remaster and market and distribute. Fewer and fewer classic titles are likely to appear until — this is key — digital home delivery becomes fast and fibre-optic enough that 1080p films can be downloaded in a short period of time, and then classic titles can be sold without heavy marketing, manufacturing and physical distribution costs.

But when and if this happens (five years from now? ten?) you can forget about savoring making-of docs and commentary tracks and in fact owning several of these films and holding them in your hands. Physical ownership of great films has been a fact of my life since the mid to late ’80s and now it’s coming to an end. That whole tradition is (for the time being at least) winding down, and speaking as a Movie Catholic and one who has savored high-end restorations and remasterings for 20 or 25 years I feel personally devastated and appalled.

As one post-production and restoration veteran says, “The situation’s not so bad…a lot of these films are going to look great on an iPhone.”

Don’t kid yourself — this is nothing short of a tragic development in terms of the soul and necessary spiritual replenishing of the film industry.

Why? Because the truly great Hollywood classics need to be remastered and represented to the public in the finest possible way in order to keep the faith going and the religion of film kept as a vital cause. I’m talking about maintaining a ritual that, in its own realm, is no less necessary or important than ministers and priests keeping alive the memory of a certain Judean wanderer and preacher through Holy Communion.

Those who believe in the transformative power of film need to pay tribute to the legacy of classic films and keep alive visions of the best that Hollywood has produced over the last several decades, and they need to support those who know how to restore and remaster classic films in order to remind everyone how good Hollywood films of the ’20s, ’30s, ’40s, ’50s and ’60s used to look and sound in state-of-the-art first-run theatrical engagements…before they were downgraded by inferior home-video transfers.

And this needs to be done — are you listening, Brad Grey? — even if it doesn’t bring in a sizable profit, or even if the endeavor merely breaks even. Because we’re talking about religion here. Spiritual sustenance. The faith of it.

Obviously scores of classic films have been restored and remastered for Bluray over the last few years, and let’s all breathe a sigh of relief for the expensive and time-consuming work that’s been done (or is being done) on any number of big-studio properties, especially on the large-format films of the ’50s and early ’60s. Ron Smith’s The Ten Commandments Bluray was terrific. Warner Home Video’s forthcoming Ben-Hur Bluray will hopefully be a knockout. A Bluray of Lawrence of Arabia is coming out next year from Sony.

But truly choice titles are few and far between on the Bluray market, and many great films (particularly those shot on large-format processes in the ’50s and early ’60s) are yellowing and rotting on the vine, and many of those that are making it into the Bluray realm are being visually misrepresented — i.e., made to look shiny and video-gamey.

One upside develpment, I’m told, is that a remastered, more celluloid-looking Bluray version of Franklin Schaffner‘s Patton (i.e., a 40th anniversay re-release) is coming out on May 10th. Certain large-screen Bluray connoisseurs felt that the earlier version was DNR’d (digital noise reduction’ed) to death and given overly smooth video-game textures. The “bad” Patton was created by HTV Illuminate, a San Fernando Valley-based company that could be called the ground zero of shiny Bluray makeovers.

Now that a trailer for Evan Glodell’s Bellflower (Oscilloscope Laboratoreies, 8.5) is finally out, I’m reminding everyone to be extremely wary of too-cool-for-school critics (i.e., effetes who are so brainy and perceptive that they’ve levitated off the planet) who’ve praised it to the heavens. Because it is HE’s humble opinion that Bellflower is one of the emptiest and wankiest time-wasters ever made.

“I saw Bellflower almost two months ago at Sundance,” I wrote during SXSW, “and my general reaction was split between pique, boredom and watch-checking agony. There’s nothing going on in this film of any interest or intrigue whatsoever…nothing.

“It’s a portrait of backwater hell and grungeballs and lackadaisical scrotum-scratching. No story tension, a handmade flamethrower, no pizazz, no humor (or at least not the kind I was able to laugh or even smirk at), crappy-looking photography, no job or vision or income, godawful wardrobes, no rooting interest, no emotional involvement.

“It farts out a stunningly lame story about two low-rent 30something guys nursing some asinine notion of a coming apocalypse and one of them, a slacker beardo played by Glodell, getting lucky with a nice girl and beginning some kind of serious relationship and then the ex-boyfriend wheedles his way back in, etc.

“MSN’s James Rocchi has called Bellflower “one of the most strong and stylish critiques of the idiocy and confusion in young manhood since Fight Club” — not a chance.”

I was disappointed to read yesterday that the Arrow Academy Bluray of Rififi (out May 9th) is Region 2, which leaves Regon 1 Bluray player owners like me out in the cold. (And don’t start with the “re-program your BD player software to make it all-region” — I’m not smart enough to do that and half the time it doesn’t work anyway, I’ve been told.)

This plus the French Gaumount Bluray lacking English subititles means Rififi-lovers like myself are screwed both ways. (I could actually roll with the Gaumount since I know the dialogue backwards and forwards and the aspect ratio is 1.33 to 1.) The only thing to do is wait and hope for a Criterion Bluray version…if and when.

Rob Pattinson‘s marquee attraction has apparently served Water for Elephants well. 20th Century Fox was reportedly estimating that Francis Lawrence‘s sadistic circus drama would bring in $13 to $15 million (a deliberate underprojection) on its first weekend. Last night Deadline’s Nikki Finke reported $7 million for Friday and $18 million for the weekend — “overperforming.” And Boxoffice.com’s Phil Contrino is forecasting $16.8 million with an entirely decent $5964 average on 2817 screens. So at best it’ll end up domestically with $50 million theatrical…right?

Needless to add if anyone paid to see Elephants last night and is so moved…

My sense of things when I wrote my Water for Elephants pan two days ago was that Christoph Waltz had (a) erred by playing the Hans Landa card again or (b) has no other cards in his deck. But goofing on it somehow makes it less bothersome. Waltz will have his best shot at putting Landa to bed in Roman Polanski‘s Carnage (formerly known as God of Carnage).

Lindsay Lohan doing another 120 days for parole violation (and not, apparently, over that “borrowed” necklace episode) isn’t a bad thing as long as it doesn’t get in the way of her playing Kim Gotti. Jail builds character, gives you street cred, persuades you to improve your social skills, etc.

I’ve watched the All The President’s Men Bluray a couple of times since buying it last February. And the thing that sticks out right away is the over-saturated color, especially the appearance of the red and blue chairs in the Washington Post newsroom. The overall appearance looks like celluloid and that’s cool, but someone turned up the saturation plus it looks a little too dark here and there.

I shared my opinion yesterday morning with a technical guy who knows all about Bluray and DVD masterings, and he told me that Warner Home Video, incredibly, had never even called much less consulted Gordon Willis, the film’s legendary dp, about how the colors should look, etc. So I called Willis myself about an hour ago and he said he’d seen the ATPM Bluray on his 46″ screen and “it’s all fucked up…all the medium tones [are wrong] and contrast is way higher than it oughta be….it’s overloaded.”

Willis confirmed that no one from WHV had contacted him to consult or discuss prior to creating the Bluray. “All they had to do was use the most recent DVD as a reference because that’s fine,” he said. “They probably think they’ll get [me] in there and it’ll turn into a problem but it’s definitely a problem when they don’t. They don’t get it. They get on those fucking dials…it’s a disease. Their idea for a Bluray is to make it for guys who are watching football.”

I asked if he’d called anyone at Warner Home Video since the All The President’s Men Bluray came out to tell them they’d gotten it wrong and that they should have called, etc. “And what are they gonna say?,” he said. “We’re sorry and we’ll do it all over again? You call these guys, it’s like talking to a head on a stick.”

“You didn’t hear this from me,” says a Boston-based movie critic, “but Paramount just moved the press screening of Thor, a PG-13 film, from Tuesday, 5.3 — or three days before the 5.6 opening — to a 4.30 Saturday morning screening at 10 am, presumably with a packed kiddie audience. And this is Boston’s only press screening, mind. My guess is that they’re doing this everywhere outside New York and LA.”

If I was back east I’d be doing all the Tribeca Film Festival screenings and events this weekend and running around and seeing everyone and taking pictures — pig heaven. But I’m stuck in Los Angeles…well, not “stuck” but I have to say no to certain things or I’ll be broke by Labor Day…and relying on the filings and photography of Jett Wells, HE’s TFF New York correspondent. And…well, the theoretical option of watching a few festival entries online.

I say “theoretical” because I just tried to watch Massy Tadjedin‘s Last Night on the ’50” plasma via Vudu and YouTube and…you know what? I’m not bad at some of this stuff technically but I’m not smart enough to figure out digital downloads on Samsung’s Smart Hub. To hell with it. I really hate that my Samsung BD remote makes it difficult to punch in letters…jerks. If a semi-attuned but slow-in-some-respects guy like myself can’t figure this crap out, imagine what Joe Popcorn is going through. It’s a great idea but the technology just isn’t there yet. Eff it.

“Tribeca Film, in partnership with American Express, brings you the best of independent film (including titles from the 2011 Tribeca Film Festival) wherever you are,” blah blah. “From romantic dramas starring Keira Knightley and Zach Braff to a hilarious comedy co-directed by and starring Dax Shepard to films like The Bleeding House, guaranteed to bring you chills, there’s something for everyone…films will be available on demand starting April 20.” Not so fast, fella! They might be available to guys who really know what they’re doing but not semi-dumb guys like me.

Two months ago Wordsandfilm‘s Christine Spines wrote about Harvey Weinstein‘s reported recutting of Richard Ayoade‘s Submarine (Weinstein Co., 6.3), and hence the return of the mythical Harvey Scissorhands. I’m not aware that much has been cut from this well-reviewed film, but I’m still wishing I’d made a greater effort to catch it in Toronto.

Shekhar Kapoor‘s tribute to India’s admired-and-deeply-loathed Bollywood genre — Bollywood: The Greatest Love Story Ever Told — will screen out of competition during the 64th Cannes Film Festival. I probably despise Bollywood musicals a little more than Asian martial-arts films so I can’t wait not to see this thing. The doc was directed by Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra and Jeff Zimbalist. It runs 81 minutes.