So Typewriter Joe is fading and wheezing? If Biden doesn’t finish second or at least a strong third in New Hampshire, you can stick a fork in him. And that’s obviously not in the cards. Elizabeth Warren isn’t doing any better. Face it, fellas — it’s Bernie vs. Pete, and if Bernie takes the nomination (which seems likely), Trump gets another term. Question: How long will it take Joe’s Johnny-on-the-spot African American supporters to take a hard look at this situation? How long can they continue to say “yeah but I feel comfortable with the man because he was Obama’s vp”? Sooner or later they’re going to have to wake up and smell the coffee.

Last year the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences earned a certain negative notoriety for failing to include legendary director Stanley Donen, who passed on Thursday, 2.21.19, in the Oscar telecast’s “death reel” tribute, which aired three days later on Sunday, 2.24.19. Talk about your drag-ass approach to keeping up with breaking events.

Today Variety ‘s Brent Lang reported that this Sunday’s death reel will include Kirk Douglas, whose passing was announced yesterday. Lang reports that the reel had been locked but Douglas will be squeezed in regardless. That’s very accommodating of them. I know very little about editing but I’ve been told that slipping in a last-minute departure is no technical biggie.

Notice to Hollywood luminaries: Try to croak at least four days before the Oscar show. If you wait until Thursday you’ll probably be Donen-ized. Douglas would have presumably suffered the same fate if he’d expired this morning (2.6).

Or is this really a matter of status? Are you telling me that if, God forbid, Julia Roberts or Warren Beatty or Denzel Washington were to be struck dead by a lightning bolt on a golf course today or even tomorrow that the Academy would say “nope, sorry…too late for the death reel because we need more than three days.” I somehow doubt that.

Soon after waking this morning at 8:10 am (having overslept), I was asked/ordered to visit Hollyway Cleaners to pick up some dry cleaning. I like to wake up a bit and maybe sip some coffee before driving. Not this time. “Go now, please.”

Two or three minutes later I was out the door. It was the height of rush hour with Melrose Ave. and Santa Monica Blvd. traffic at a near-standstill…jammed. Did I take the rumblehog, which would have meant that the three-quarters of a mile journey would’ve taken three or four minutes, tops? Of course not. I took the VW Beetle, which resulted in 10 minutes of traffic agony, maybe a bit more.

I love swearing while driving. I get to bark and yell all I want and nobody says anything back.

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Wallace to Romney: “You realize that this is war. Donald Trump will never forgive you for this.” What will Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson say about Romney this evening? Romney: “The most difficult decision I’ve ever made in my life.”

I’ve been feeling such strong Parasite fervor over the last few weeks, but it won’t be winning the Best Picture Oscar. Can’t happen, forget it. So the idea is that a great number of Academy members know or have sensed this, and so they’ve voted to give Bong Joon-ho the Best Director Oscar as a pat-on-the-back compensation prize for not winning the Big One. Along with the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay as well as Best International Feature. How’s that one sound?

Herewith a discussion of Emerald Fennell‘s Promising Young Woman, an interesting possibility as far as this Sunday’s Oscar Awards are concerned (i.e., Bong Joon-ho might take the Best Director Oscar away from 1917‘s Sam Mendes as a kind compensation prize for Parasite not winning Best Picture) and a dark discussion about how (a) the primary season has almost certainly boiled down to Bernie Sanders-vs.-Pete Buttigieg. The bitter conclusion was that (a) the odds of Bernie not winning the Democratic nomination are dwindling as we speak thanks to the anti-Pete crowd (African Americans, under-30s, progressives), and (b) if and when this happens Trump will almost certainly be re-elected. As Roger Friedman said earlier today, Bernie will win the northeast, California and Austin, Texas. Thank you, ideological purists….thank you, the all-or-nothing crowd….thank you for four more years of Donald Trump! Again, the mp3.

Issur Danielovitch, otherwise known as Kirk Douglas, passed today age 103. Cheers, salutes and celebrations for a truly legendary fellow — an ego-driven, headstrong, no-nonsense hardhead, thinker and studly swaggerer during his day. A real pusher, doer, striver. It’s funny but all of that hard-nosed stuff has fallen away now that he’s left the earth, and all I’m hearing in my head right now is Alex North‘s Spartacus overture.

Douglas was one of the first male superstars to adopt a persona that was about more than just gleaming white teeth and manly heroism, although he played that kind of thing about half the time. But Douglas also dipped into the dark side, portraying guys who were earnest and open but hungry, and who sometimes grappled with setbacks and self-doubt and hard-fought battles of the spirit.

Douglas’s peak years as a reigning superstar and a producer-actor known for quality-level films ended 56 years ago with his last steady-as-she-goes lead in a fully respected film — John Frankenheimer‘s Seven Days In May (’64).

Douglas kept working and writing and flooring the gas as best he could, but out of his 103 years only 15 were spent at the very top.

He broke through at age 33 as a selfish go-getter in Champion (’49) and then fed the engine with 19 or 20 high-calibre films — Young Man with a Horn (’50), The Glass Menagerie (’50), Ace in the Hole (’51), Detective Story (’51), The Big Sky (’52), The Bad and the Beautiful (’52), 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (’54), The Indian Fighter (’55), Lust for Life (’56), Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (’57), the masterful Paths of Glory (’57), The Vikings (’58), The Devil’s Disciple (’59), Strangers When We Meet (’60), Spartacus (’60), Town Without Pity (’61), Lonely Are the Brave (’62), Two Weeks in Another Town (’62) and finally the Frankenheimer film.

Big stars will sometimes flirt with journalists from time to time. They’ll turn on the charm for a week or two and then “bye.” I was one of Douglas’s flirtations back in ’82, for roughly a month-long period between an Elaine’s luncheon thrown by Bobby Zarem on behalf of the yet-to-shoot Eddie Macon’s Run, and then the filing of my New York Post piece about visiting the set of that Jeff Kanew-directed film in Laredo, Texas.

I hit it off pretty well with Douglas during the luncheon, in part because I talked about how much I admired Lonely Are The Brave and how Eddie Macon seemed to be roughly similar to that 1962 classic (i.e., a tough lawman pursuing a sympathetic, good-guy outlaw). Douglas talked about anything and everything at the luncheon, and I remember his being fairly wide-open with his impressions about Stanley Kubrick (i.e., “Stanley the prick”), with whom he’d famously partnered on Paths of Glory and Spartacus.

Our Laredo interview happened between takes. Neither of us regarded Eddie Macon’s Run as anything more than a servicable B-level programmer so we mostly discussed Douglas’s career hallmarks, and to my satisfaction he realized early on that I knew all about his good films. All those years and years of watching Douglas’s older films, and now all that TV time was paying off like a slot machine.

I told him I half-loved the foyer freakout scene with Lana Turner in The Bad and the Beautiful. And much of The Devil’s Disciple. And almost all of Champion. And every frame of Paths of Glory and Lust for Life and Lonely Are The Brave. And then I made an attempt at quoting his “eight spindly trees in Rockefeller Center” speech from Ace in the Hole. Douglas was drinking a bourbon (or something fairly stiff), and I remember his leaning forward at this point and saying, “You’ve really done your homework.”

You have to sit up and take notice of any new Sally Potter film, and I mean especially one that will premiere at the 2020 Berlinale. Bleecker Street Media will give Potter’s relationship drama a limited release on 3.13.20.

The Roads Not Taken boilerplate: “A day in the life of Leo (Javier Bardem) and his daughter Molly (Elle Fanning) as she grapples with her father’s chaotic mind. As they weave their way through New York City, Leo’s journey takes on a hallucinatory quality as he floats through alternate lives he could have lived, leading Molly to wrestle with her own path as she considers her future.”

Does anyone on the face of the planet believe that Fanning could possibly be the biological child of Bardem and…who’s playing his wife, Laura Linney? (Take a gander at the actual parents, Stephen and Heather Fanning.) What are the odds of a dark-eyed man of Spanish blood fathering a girl who looks like a tall Swedish milkmaid?

What does this clip tell you about the intelligence and awareness levels of average voters out there?

Iowa primitive (female, 70something): “How come [the fact that Mayor Pete is gay] has never been brought out before?”
Iowa precinct captain: “It’s common knowledge.”
Iowa primitive: “I’ve never heard it!”
HE observer (standing nearby): “It’s the content of a candidate’s character, yokel granny, and not his/her domestic predilection.”

Too many people don’t listen, don’t read, don’t scan the headlines, don’t watch newscasts and don’t want to know from nothin’, and yet they still make decisions. That’s why we are where we are right now. Uninformed voters have harmed this country before, and they will harm it again.

I never thought I’d feel this way about Mitt Romney, but currents of admiration are surging. He’s still “Mitt Romney” and therefore still, in some ways, the contentious dick who ran against Barack Obama in 2012. But he has my vote today. He will, of course, catch hell from the lunatic right for this. A profile in courage.

I might have a couple of free hours at the end of tomorrow (i.e., Thursday), depending on how the column goes. Perhaps I can rumble down to the Grove around 5 or 6 pm and pay nearly $20 to see Cathy Yan‘s Birds of Prey? I missed the all-media screening so I have to see it, right? Sounds like a plan.

From Owen Gleiberman’s 2.5 Variety review: “Coming after the stand-alone phenomenon of Joker, Birds of Prey is a comic-book movie that isn’t pretending, for a single moment, to cast a spell of poetic awe. Yet it’s still a compellingly novel popcorn jamboree. Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel were female-superhero movies that offered the empowerment of earnest fantasy. Birds of Prey offers the empowerment of utter irresponsibility. The women in this movie look badder than those previous heroines did because, for the most part, they just don’t give a fuck.”

Gleiberman finishes this paragraph with one of the saddest declarative statements I’ve read in recent years: “With any luck, that should all translate into a major hit.”

So in other words Birds of Prey (aka The Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) is about enraged fuck-all nihilism and, in a certain social-undercurrent way, anti-brute-male revenge porn. I don’t know about the HE community, but I think it’s is so cool when this sort of material is delivered with a savage wink, and with ten times the necessary emphasis!

Perhaps one day Birds of Prey will play alongside Emerald Fennell and Carey Mulligan‘s Promising Young Woman, the Sundance ’20 entry which, according to World of Reel‘s Jordan Ruimy, is drawing from the same well.

“I wouldn’t use the word ‘restrained’ when describing Promising Young Woman,” he says. “There’s nothing subtle about this movie, and it’s not realism at all. It’s a post-#MeToo fantasy, a feminist version of Death Wish…a justifiably angry woman (Carey Mulligan) punishing filthy men. Mulligan is depicted as heroic without any real-life consequences or police investigations or social media gotchas. It gives you a lot to chew on and talk about post-screening — in a sense it’s right at the forefront of the post-#MeToo conversation — but then again it’s not saying anything new. And it’s definitely a world apart. It charges into extreme realms.”

The possible problem with female revenge porn, it seems, isn’t the justified anger that propels these films, but the broad-brush overkill that’s been deployed. To go by Ruimy and Gleiberman, I mean.

Coralie Fargeat‘s Revenge (’17), a rape-and-revenge action horror flick, was cut from a similar cloth.

In my judgment there’s been only one commendable (if not quite excellent) female-revenge film so far — Jennifer Kent‘s The Nightingale. I believed and admired that 2018 film start to finish, despite Kent allowing the story tension to dissipate during the last 15% or 20%.

Ragin’ Cajun: “We gotta decide what we want to be. Do we want to be an ideological cult, or do we want to have a majoritarian instinct — to be a majority party? I am scared to death. We gotta get relevant. The urban core is not gonna get it done.” What’s he really saying? Forget Bernie, Joe may be done, think about Sensible Pete.