There’s a familiar Hollywood two-step process that famous plus-sized or zaftig women have gone through. I’m thinking of Melissa McCarthy, Jennifer Hudson, Gabourey Sidibe and Kate Winslet of the mid to late ’90s (i.e, “Kate Weighs-a-lot”). Step #1 is about acceptance and self-love, step #2 is about “look at the new me!” Step #1 is “I am who I am…get used to it because I love myself and my womanhood, and all the body shamers out there can kiss my ass.” Step #2 is “okay, I did step #1 but I might be looking at a shorter life span if I don’t exercise more and watch my diet. Plus I want to be around when my kids grow up.”
Melissa McCarthy in 2011’s Bridesmaids.
Shot sometime earlier this year or in late ’15.
Today’s McCarthy looks seriously great compared to the woman she was in Bridesmaids. Hudson was step #1 when she was doing press for Dreamgirls eight years ago, but she’s blown that off and then some. Sidibe has also cut down on whatever she was doing that made her morbidly obese when she filmed Precious. Sooner or later Amy Schumer, who embraces the step #1 mindset when she talks to the press about her zaftig-ness, will follow in their path. Ditto Lena Dunham. You can be a step #1 practitioner from your 20s to mid 30s, but you have to cut that shit out as you approach your 40s.
In yet another N.Y. Times piece about Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters (Sony/Columbia, 7.15) and the sight-unseen loathing by hardore, mostly-male fanboys, Dave Itzkoff asks the four leads — Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones — to analyze the adversity.
But before I quote from it, it’s important to reiterate that while I took an instant dislike to this film based on the trailers, I’ve never said to myself “the original over-worshipped 1984 film shouldn’t be remade as a girl thing.” My reaction from the get-go has been (1) “the trailers have suggested there isn’t anything the least bit funny in this film” and (2) “I’m getting a sense that it’s CG-driven if not CG-dominated, and there’s nothing less funny than being carpet-bombed by expensive CG.”
Itzkoff: Was there a point at which you noticed that because of the film’s premise and because the leads were female, some subset of your audience was not happy?
McCarthy: You mean the crazy people?
Jones: You mean the people that don’t know that it’s a movie?
Wells interjection: In other words the proper attitude in Jones’ view should be “it’s just a movie so sit back and chill.” There are some who look at moviegoing this way, as a check-your-brain diversion. And there are many, of course, who go to movies for a kind of theme-park experience…CG, CG and more CG. But there are others who would never say movies are “just” anything. They regard theatres as churches and movies as experiences that might, if the moviegoer is lucky, deliver intensity, enhancement and even joy, even if the film in question is apparently some dumb flick about fighting ghosts. They regard movies as experiences that can potentially cleanse your soul (at least temporarily), that can deliver the kind of emotional devastation that rarely seems to happen in real life, that might even take the viewer on some kind of transcendent voyage. It would appear that Jones is not one of these people, but the Ghostbusters haters, trust me, are made of almost nothing but moviegoers like this.
A producer friend went to the premiere of Ben Falcone and Melissa McCarthy‘s The Boss (Universal, 4.8) last Monday night in Westwood: “Very physical comedy. McCarthy is hilarious. One-woman show. They go over the top in a knock-down, drag-out brawl in the street between two girl scout troops, but you can’t help but laugh at the audacity. Audience laughed all the way through. A big hit.” Once again HE is offering respect to the newly-svelte McCarthy for her weight loss — still chubby and funny but no longer a Jabba. Hats off.
8:02 pm: Will The Revenant steal the Best Picture — Drama from Spotlight? Yes, that’s just happened. Shocker — really, really unexpected. What a mindblower, what an unexpected triumph…whoa. Who predicted a three-award sweep for one of the roughest sits of the year? The Revenant is the show’s wowser winner. The Spotlight guys must be in shock…sorry but again not sorry.
7:55 pm: The Revenant‘s Leonardo DiCaprio wins Best Actor – Drama. Huge cheers and screams inside the Fox tent. Fully deserved, obviously paving the way to Best Actor Oscar. Leo concludes his “thank you” speech with a little Marlon Brando flourish, paying tribute to Native Americans.
7:53 pm: Room‘s Brie Larson wins for Best Female Performance — Drama. Heavily predicted. I would have preferred Brooklyn’ s SaoirseRonan. I’ll bet the vote was close.
7:41 pm: Jim Carrey wickedly mocking the “two-time Golden Globe winner” intro. And the Best Motion Picture Comedy award goes to The Martian, hands down the biggest laugh riot of the year. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the realm of the Golden Globes. HE to readership: What are your favorite laugh-riot moments in this wonderfully satisfying film? Seriously, The Martian is a very well-made entertainment. Cheers for any win it manages to get from the HFPA, no matter how loony the classification might be.
7:32 pm: Another surprise win — Jennifer Lawerence takes Best Actress Comedy award for Joy. Did anyone see this one coming? Thank God they didn’t give it to The Lady In The Van‘s Maggie Smith. I would have preferred a win by Trainwreck‘s Amy Schumer but this is fine.
7:23 pm: Alejandro G. Inarritu wins Best Director award for The Revenant! What a weekend for The Revenant with the unexpectedly huge box-office and now this. Sorry, Scott Feinberg, but no Gold Watch award for Ridley Scott. Fucking wifi just died in Fox Pavillion so I’m on the iPhone now. Okay, it’s back now. What a shocker. Did anyone see this coming? Very happy and gratified.
7:04 pm: Congested, cold-afflicted Tom Hanks introducing Denzel Washington, recipient of this year’s Cecil B DeMille Award.
6:57 pm: Mr. Robot wins for Best TV Series. No comment. Okay, I have a comment: Congrats!
6:53 pm: Ricky Gervais announcing that he’s “in the awkward position of having to introduce” Mel Gibson again after insulting him some years back. Kicker: “I’d rather have a drink with [Mel Gibson] tonight, in his hotel room, than with Bill Cosby.” Another: “What the fuck does ‘Sugartits’ even mean?” Best Golden Globes moment so far?
6:39 pm: Laszlo Nemes wins Best Foreign Language Golden Globe for Son of Saul! This is the first time tonight that things have really gone Hollywood Elsewhere’s way. It’s been a bit of a weird show so far. Hooray for Lady Gaga, whose facial features I’m still trying to assimilate and hang onto. Nobody cares about Best Song.
6:28 pm: Aaron Sorkin wins Screenplay Award for Steve Jobs, a movie that wasn’t especially lovable or satisfying and which tanked when it went wide? Spotlight was supposed to win this handily. This is the second Jobs shocker of the night after Kate Winslet winning for Best Supporting Actress, all but stealing it from Alicia Vikander.
6:19 pm: J.K. Simmons and Patricia Arquette announcing winner of the Golden Globe Best Supporting Actor award, and…Sylvester Stallone takes it. Okay, roll with it — Sly was very,very good in Creed. Kicker: “I’m gonna thank my imaginary friend Rocky Balboa for being the best friend I ever had.” But he doesn’t thank Ryan Coogler.
6:15 pm: Kurt Russell and Kate Hudson announced Golden Glove for Best Animated Feature: Inside Out. No joy in Mudville about this one. Anomalisa should have won. Bored with Pixar dominance.
I dawdled all morning and now I’m fucked with only four hours to file before going to the Golden Globes awards, which in my case means driving over to Century City for a shuttle that will take at least 15 minutes to navigate the barriers surrounding the Beverly Hilton garrison state . The 20th Century Fox viewing party begins around 4 pm, I guess. Black suit, black tie, cool shoes, cruel shoes…as long as they’re not brown.
Best Motion Picture — Drama: Will Win — Spotlight / Should Win — Spotlight…even though I have to say that The Revenant has continued to grow and grow in my head and Mad Max: Fury Road, my third place favorite, is an epic apocalyptic action film that will be part of the streaming conversation for many years to come.
Best Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical: Will Win — I know I should predict The Martian but the more hoo-hah that accumulates around this smart but lightweight rescue flick, the more I feel like putting it down. Plus there’s no way that the biggest and whoriest HFPA contortionist can call The Martian a “comedy”…get outta here! So I’m going to predict The Big Short because its rep has been ascending for the past couple of weeks. The question is whether or not HFPA members have been hip enough to pick up the signals.
Best Director — Motion Picture: Will Probably Win — all hail Ridley Scott (a.k.a., Mr. Gold Watch) for totally succumbing to corporate escapism and betraying the impulses that led to the making of one of his greatest films, also for 20th Century Fox — The Counselor. Should Win — Alejandro G. Inarritu for The Revenant and/or George Miller for Mad Max: Fury Road.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama: Will Win/Should Win: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant. He’s rich, he shoulda won it for The Wolf of Wall Street, he’s due, he’s been slamming it for 23 years, he suffered in Alberta, ate the liver, etc. Who could vote for The Danish Girl‘s Eddie Redmayne? Somebody tweeted this morning that they deserve an Oscar for watching Tom Hooper‘s film.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama: I know I should predict Room‘s Brie Larson, but I hated, hated, HATED so much of Lenny Abrahamson‘s film (except for the escape-and-salvation sequence and the touching finale) that I just can’t do it. I can’t do it! Should Win/Might Win: Brooklyn‘s Saoirse Ronan, a consummate pro who totally deserves the prize.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical: Should Win/Oughta Win — Trainwreck‘s Amy Schumer. She touched bottom and found the ache and the longing in this smart, impudent Judd Apatow comedy, and truly out-pointed her competitors (Grandma‘s Lily Tomlin, The Lady In The Van‘s Maggie Smith, Joy‘s Jennifer Lawrence, Spy‘s Melissa McCarthy) in the bargain. I don’t want to hear about any kneejerk Maggie Smith sentiment. Way too many trophies and accolades…enough.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical: Will Win — Matt Damon, The Martian. I would prefer to see Steve Carell or Christian Bale win for their Big Short performances, but I know it’s not gonna happen.
The Golden Globe Awards are happening Sunday at 5 pm Pacific. Predicting the final preferences of those 93 Hollywood Foreign Press Association members is, of course, lacking in dignity. Plus it lends an aura of unwarranted respect. But this is the world I live in and the business I’ve chosen so here we go:
Best Motion Picture — Drama: Carol, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Revenant, Room, Spotlight. HE prediction: Spotlight. If A Big Surprise Happens: Won’t happen.
Best Director — Motion Picture: Todd Haynes, Carol; Alejandro G. Iñárritu, The Revenant; Tom McCarthy, Spotlight; George Miller, Mad Max: Fury Road; Ridley Scott, The Martian. HE prediction: George Miller or Tom McCarthy — can’t decide. If A Big Surprise Happens: Ridley Scott.
Best Performance by a Motion Picture Actor — Drama: Bryan Cranston, Trumbo; Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant; Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs; Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl; Will Smith, Concussion. HE prediction: Leonardo Liver-Eatin’ DiCaprio. (Note: Jeremiah Johnson, the rugged outdoorsman portrayed by Robert Redford in that 1972 Sydney Pollack film, was famously nicknamed “Liver-Eating Johnson.”) If A Big Surprise Happens: Bryan Cranston.
Best Performance by a Motion Picture Actress — Drama: Cate Blanchett, Carol; Brie Larson, Room; Rooney Mara, Carol; Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn; Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl. HE prediction: Saoirse Ronan. If A Mild Surprise Happens: Brie Larson, but I’m sensing that the whole Room thing is deflating.
Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy: The Big Short, Joy, The Martian, Spy, Trainwreck. HE favorite: Trainwreck. HE prediction: The Big Short IF that film’s gaining momentum managed to penetrate the HFPA membrane. Almost As Likely: The Martian. although a rescue drama peppered with humor is most assuredly not a comedy.
The 2016 Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning by The Hollywood Foreign Press Association. GG noms stir the conversational pot, help SAG-snubbed contenders get back into the psychological/emotional swing of things, focus attention in the major categories, toss in a couple of surprises, etc. Here are the nominees plus HE mood-pocket commentary:
Best Motion Picture, Drama: Carol, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Revenant, Room, Spotlight. HE comment: This is Spotlight‘s to lose. These five are almost certainly the biggies right now in terms of the general conversation, even if Love & Mercy, Brooklyn and Beasts of No Nation deserve their place at the table. I don’t need to remind the community that The Movie Godz are particularly behind Love & Mercy, and concurrently distressed that so many people have said it doesn’t rate because it was released last June. C’mon!
Best Motion Picture, Comedy: The Big Short, Joy, The Martian, Spy, Trainwreck. HE comment: Huzzah for The Big Short! The HFPA can nominate The Martian as a comedy and even give it an award and that’s fine, but that doesn’t change the fact that it died yesterday as a Best Picture contender when SAG declined to give it a Best Ensemble nomination. The likeliest winner is…I don’t know.
Best Actress in a motion picture, drama: Cate Blanchett, Carol; Brie Larson, Room; Rooney Mara, Carol; Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn; Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl. HE comment: Larson is the presumptive favorite (am I wrong?) but HE’s rooting interest is for Ronan first and Vikander second. It’s probably safe to say that Blanchett/Mara will cancel each other out.
Best Actress in a motion picture, comedy: Jennifer Lawrence, Joy; Melissa McCarthy, Spy; Amy Schumer, Trainwreck; Maggie Smith, The Lady in the Van; Lily Tomlin, Grandma. HE comment: Schumer is in the running! (Please note that I put her in an earlybird HE Oscar chart last September.) This is mainly between Lawrence and Smith; Lawrence is the likely winner…right?
Best Actor in a motion picture, drama: Bryan Cranston, Trumbo; Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant; Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs; Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl; Will Smith, Concussion. HE comment: Leo totally wins this. No way Smith prevails (not with that “I make movies to please my grandmother” remark) but he should nonetheless send a basket of fruit and a bottle of wine to THR‘s Scott Feinberg for getting him this far. Redmayne is a non-starter.
Best Actor in a motion picture, comedy: Christian Bale, The Big Short; Steve Carell, The Big Short, Matt Damon, The Martian; Al Pacino, Danny Collins; Mark Ruffalo, Infinitely Polar Bear. HE comment: Pacino takes it in a walk. Seriously, no clue. Bale and Carell cancel each other out so…what, Damon takes it as a consolation prize for The Martian getting rejected in yesterday’s SAG nominations?
Best Actress in a supporting role in a motion picture: Jane Fonda, Youth; Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight; Helen Mirren, Trumbo; Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina; Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs. HE comment: Fonda owns! Okay, Fonda or Vikander to win. Mirren, Winslet and especially Leigh are placeholders, thrown in to round out the pack. The chief distinction in Leigh’s performance is that she gets slugged six or seven times by Kurt Russell and winds up…okay, no spoiling.
Best Actor in a supporting role in a motion picture: Paul Dano, Love & Mercy, Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation; Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies; Michael Shannon, 99 Homes; Sylvester Stallone, Creed. HE comment: Strongest nominee roster of them all — it’s probably between Rylance, Dano and Stallone but don’t call Elba or Shannon slouches. I’m a Dano guy but I respect each and every performance in this category.
Amy Schumer knows what she’s doing with her 2016 Pirelli calendar appearance. She’s saying “most women look like me and I can get all the guys I want anyway so fuck it.” Fine. Earlier today she tweeted the below photo with the following: “Beautiful, gross, strong, thin, fat, pretty, ugly, sexy, disgusting, flawless, woman. Thank you @annieleibovitz.” Lena Dunham has been making the same brash socio-political statement since Girls began. And you know who used to be on that page? Melissa McCarthy (i.e., “Leave me alone, I’m a big girl and that’s that,” etc.) Until she awoke one morning and said, “Okay, did that, next.” Schumer and Dunham will never admit it, but they’ll be doing a McCarthy sooner or later.
And now that I’ve made Ms. Fan’s acquaintance, I’d…well, I think I’d like to go back to not contemplating her if that’s okay. It’s not just my aversion to Asian cinema (sorry) and particularly historical Asian cinema (especially if it involves swords) but…I’m not going to go there. Let’s drop it.
How many of the top earners made their dough by acting in really good films and how many brought in the dough with shitty mass-market projects and/or commercial endorsements? Just about all of them.
I paid to see Spy at the Arclight last night. I’m not a laugh-out-loud type, especially during a film as light and inconsequential as this one, but the audience gave it up repeatedly…”Hee-hee-hee…tee-hee-hoo!…eeyuh-huh-hah!” I turned around a couple of times and gave them one of my stink-eye looks. “You rubes…you easy lays…laughing like those chain-gang prisoners at the finale of Sullivan’s Travels. So you’ve got your popcorn and drink and a nothing little travelogue spy spoof with some sassy dialogue, and I’ll bet half of you didn’t even consider seeing Love & Mercy.”
Spy is moderately amusing at times. I sat, watched, half-grinned occasionally. I wasn’t enthralled but I was only faintly bored. I didn’t have what you would call an “enjoyable” time but I wasn’t in pain. I didn’t hate it but I settled for it. And for the first time since Bridesmaids I actually enjoyed Melissa McCarthy‘s performance. Or her character rather. Because unlike her low-rent, emotionally primitive rage-aholics in Identity Thief, The Heat and Tammy, Spy‘s Susan Cooper has a semi-tolerable personality that didn’t drive me up the wall. She’s sharp, witty, emotionally mature, resourceful, motor-mouthed — she even speaks a little French.
Everyone seems fairly delighted with Paul Feig‘s Spy, which has a 95% Rotten Tomatoes rating. Then again it’s a spy movie spoof (a sub-genre that began roughly 50 years ago, inspired by the success of Goldfinger) in which Melissa McCarthy occasionally performs her default clumsy-fat-woman schtick…c’mon. Love & Mercy, by any measure a far more audacious and memorable achievement, has an 88% Rotten Tomatoes rating. Tens of thousands of popcorn-eaters will pay to see Spy this weekend while ignoring (or perhaps being totally ignorant of) Love & Mercy, but a percentage will make their moviegoing decisions this weekend based on the aggregate critics sites. It’s nothing close to tragic but the reason Love & Mercy is seven points below Spy right now is because it received six mixed reviews from Current.com’s Kurt Loder, L.A. Times critic Kenneth Turan, NPR’s Mark Jenkins, EW.com’s Chris Nashawaty, Slant‘s Christopher Gray and Grantland‘s Wesley Morris.
These critics are good fellows and their opinions are certainly permissible, but they all need to look in their bathroom mirrors this weekend and indulge in a little self-analysis. They could start with the following: “I know what Spy is and yet I gave it a total thumbs-up because it’s a lot of fun and well-made and even surprising as far as Jason Statham is concerned (who knew?), but also because I need to go easy on popular comedies that the popcorn crowd is going to support in massive numbers. By the same token I gave a hard time to Love & Mercy, and I did so because…well, because that’s my opinion, dammit. Yes, I realize it’s audacious and that most of my colleagues think it’s brilliant and one of the most profound biopics ever made but it didn’t quite do what I wanted it to do so I had to bitchslap it. I know no one will give a shit about Spy a month or two from now and that Love & Mercy is going to endure in people’s minds for decades. So who am I really? What am I?”
There’s been no chatter about my response to Julie Miller’s Vanity Fair conversation with Amy Schumer (posted on 5.4), which included a reference to myself and last February’s Schumergate episode. I’m naturally anticipating more Twitter hate so even though this is a dead-horse issue for regular readers, I’m posting one final clarifying retort. As I noted a few weeks ago, there’s almost no point in responding to these things. The legend or the meme about what I allegedly wrote but did not in fact write has totally taken over. Nobody wants to read or re-examine anything.
At one point during Miller’s chat with Schumer about the “male gaze” factor, Schumer says, “Like the only person who has ever written anything saying that I am not pretty or attractive enough to be on camera was that one guy, Jeff Wells. I did not read [the post], but of course my best friends are like, ‘It was so fucked up!’”
Well, I didn’t say Schumer wasn’t “pretty or attractive enough to be on camera,” which of course mirrors the premise of her 12 Angry Men parody on her Comedy Central show. I wrote that in the context of the first Trainwreck trailer, in which her character was depicted as being the absolute belle of the ball who’s being hit on constantly with this and that guy almost fighting for her attention, she didn’t seem quite as hot as all that. I still think this. Schumer is attractive enough and a spirited barrel of laughs and so on, but in my mind she’s in the realm of 7.5 or 8. Is that really such a terrible thing to think or say?