Five days after the first commercial viewings of Avengers: Endgame began and 48 hours after the first weekend of worldwide play, Variety‘s Guy Lodge is sincerely (no bullshit) disappointed that Thor’s weight gain has been spoiled by a Guardian headline. HE to readership: What levels of depression or anger (if any) were experienced due to the “fat Thor” thing?

In the not-so-distant past Jett and I were talking about an important job interview he had coming up. It was set for the following day or whatever, and Jett was a bit anxious. He confessed that he’d blown a couple of previous interviews because he was overly nervous and on-edge, and that he didn’t want that to happen again. I suddenly had a thought. Just before the interview, I told him, slip into a bathroom at a Starbucks and rub one out. It’ll make you feel calm, centered and anxiety-free. And perhaps even serene.

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Since Sunday night’s Apocalypse Now: Final Cut screening at the Beacon, I’ve read four or five articles that mention the forthcoming 4K Bluray (streeting on 8.27) that will contain Final Cut, the Redux version, the original theatrical cut, and what some have casually referred to as Eleanor Coppola‘s Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse (’91), a doc about the making of Apocalypse Now.

I guess I need to remind everyone that the actual auteurs of Hearts of Darkness were the late George Hickenlooper (whom I knew as a trusted acquaintance and a good fellow) and Fax Bahr. Eleanor Coppola shot the 1976 location-photography footage and narrated some of the doc, but not too much else.

Hearts of Darkness co-director George Hickenlooper, Barack Obama during the ’08 campaign.

The Wiki page explains the basics: “Using behind-the-scenes footage shot by Eleanor Coppola, the doc chronicles how production problems delayed the film [and] nearly destroyed the life and career of Apocalypse Now director Francis Coppola, who was and remains Eleanor’s husband. In 1990 Coppola turned her material over to Hickenlooper and Bahr, who subsequently shot new interviews with the original cast and crew, and intercut them with her existing material. After a year of editing, Hickenlooper, Bahr and Coppola debuted their film at the 1991 Cannes Film Festival to universal critical acclaim.”

Two days after Hickenlooper passed on 10.29.10 I posted a piece that contained Hickenlooper’s recollections about the true authorship of Hearts of Darkness. Here’s how he put it:

“I think the more appropriate way to look at it is that Hearts of Darkness is Eleanor Coppola’s story. It’s not her film. Hardly. It’s her story. But that’s because I decided to make it her story.

“When I got involved with this project [in 1990], Showtime was going to make it a one-hour TV special called Apocalypse Now Revisited. It was going to be basically an hour-long special about how they did the war pyrotechnics. It was going to be dull and stupid.

“At the time I told Steve Hewitt and my partner Fax Bahr that ‘nobody cares about the making of a movie, especially one that is 11 years old.’ I argued that the film had to have an emotional component. At the time, no one was familiar with Eleanor’s diary ‘Notes.’ My father had purchased it for me on my 16th birthday. I ate it up.

“When I got involved with HoD, I advocated using her diary as the narrative thread. I got incredible resistance from Showtime, and I got initial resistance from Eleanor. Not much, but some.

Hillary Clinton did this to us. Unlocked the gates, set free the bats of hell. She was the change agent — the bringer of the horror that plagues us to this day. She and her enablers. They’ll all have to deal with this for the rest of their lives.

Loveless composer Evgeny Galperin, whom I met in Cannes two years ago, says that he “worked” for (presumably composed the musical score for) Kantemir Balagov‘s Beanpole, which will show in Cannes under Un Certain Regard.

Evgeny will be in Cannes for a couple of days to attend the Beanpole screening and, I presume, take a few bows. He assures that Beanpole, a melodrama about two women struggling to survive in the 1945 aftermath of the German siege of Leningrad, is an “absolute masterpiece.” He’s also urging that I see Kirill Mikhanovsky‘s Give Me Liberty, which will screen at Directors’ Fortnight.

Balagov’s controversial Tesnota (Closeness) screened in Cannes two years ago. The 26 year-old director’s decision to include footage from an actual snuff film prompted some press-screening walkouts, and resulted in the ruffling of critical feathers. Todd McCarthy‘s Hollywood Reporter review reflected this reaction.

Tatyana saw Tesnota/Closeness at Telluride ’17. She told Evgeny this morning that she found it “brilliant” and a “true masterpiece” and knew right away that “a new, very talented Russian film director had been born.”

Long Beanpole synopsis via Wild Bunch: “1945, Leningrad. World War II has devastated the city, demolishing its buildings and leaving its citizens in tatters, physically and mentally. Although the siege – one of the worst in history – is finally over, life and death continue their battle in the wreckage that remains. Two young women, Iya and Masha, search for meaning and hope in the struggle to rebuild their lives amongst the ruins.

“26-year-old Kantemir Balagov follows Tesnota, winner of the FIPRESCI Prize at the 2017 Cannes Film Festival, with a powerful period drama.”

At long last, World of Reel‘s Jordan Ruimy has posted results of a top-rated films of the 20-teens poll. Not entirely critics but 250 “critics, programmers, academics and distributors“, as Ruimy puts it.

George Miller‘s Mad Max: Fury Road — a high-grade, brilliantly choreographed apocalyptic action flick — has emerged with the highest tally. Terrence Malick‘s The Tree of Life came in second, Barry Jenkins‘ overpraised Moonlight ranks third, Richard Linklater‘s Boyhood is fourth and David Fincher‘s The Social Network emerged as #5.

Of the top 20 favorites, a little less than half — Fury Road, Moonlight, Jordan Peele‘s Get Out (#10), Todd Haynes‘ Carol (#12), Spike Jonze‘s Her (#18) and Luca Guadagnino‘s Call Me By Your Name (#19) — could be called Joe Popcorn-friendly.

The others are studied, formidable, sophisticated, in some cases ultra-dweeby, New York Film Festival-y, non-popcorny “critics movies” such as Jonathan Glazer‘s Under the Skin (#12), Kenneth Lonergan‘s Margaret (14), Maren Ade‘s overpraised Toni Erdmann (#15), Apichatpong Weerasethakul‘s Uncle Bonmee (#16), Joshua Oppenheimer‘s The Act of Killing and Leos Carax‘s brilliant Holy Motors.

#6 through #10 are The Master (Paul Thomas Anderson), Roma (Alfonso Cuaron), Phantom Thread (Paul Thomas Anderson…get outta town!), A Separation (Asghar Farhadi…yes!) and the perfectly composed Inside Llewyn Davis (Joel Coen).

HE opinion (reposted): Moonlight is a very good film, but it was over-showered with praise by way of virtue-signalling and p.c. kowtowing. Now that the post-Twilight Zone truth about Jordan Peele has begun to settle in, Get Out‘s rep is almost certainly undergoing a reassessment.

HE’s TOP ELEVEN OF THE LAST NINE YEARS: Manchester By The Sea, A Separation, The Social Network, Zero Dark Thirty, Call Me By Your Name, Son of Saul, The Wolf of Wall Street, Leviathan, The Square, Moneyball, Diane.

Friend: Time to stop your crybaby whining and get on the Biden train. We have to take Trump out and Joe is, at least right now, our best bet.

HE to friend: “At least right now” — yeah, you said it.

Joe is Mr. Wrong for 2020. Mr. Out of Time. Bruce Dern in Coming Home. All he has going for his candidacy is Name Recognition & an association with Obama Comfort. He’s always been a gaffe-master extraordinaire, but he will out-do himself over the next 12 months. Sooner or later he’ll collapse like a deck of cards. Because he’s 10, 15 or 20 years too late. Because the train has left the station and he’s not on it. Partly or largely because he’s TOO DAMN OLD.

Mayor Pete, Mayor Pete, Mayor Pete.

Friend: You’re a fucking idiot. You’re just helping Trump. You should stop talking about politics.

HE to friend: Yeah, I was dead-ass wrong when I said over and over that while I’d be voting for Hillary Clinton, she was nonetheless without the right charismatic stuff and actually hugely dislikable. Obviously the only sane Presidential candidate in the ’16 general election, but that cackle and those eye bags were toxic. And then she fainted at that World Trade Center event. And her stupid email server. After the fact I spelled out what went wrong.

“It took President Trump 601 days to top 5,000 false and misleading claims in The Fact Checker’s database, an average of eight claims a day. But on April 26, just 226 days later, the President crossed the 10,000 mark — an average of nearly 23 claims a day in this seven-month period, which included the many rallies he held before the midterm elections, the partial government shutdown over his promised border wall and the release of the special counsel’s report on Russian interference in the presidential election.” — from “President Trump has made more than 10,000 false or misleading claims,” a 4.29 Washington Post report by Glenn Kessler, Salvador Rizzo and Meg Kelly.

The two greatest Nebraska-born auteurs of the last 100 years are surely the late Harold Lloyd and the alive-and-well Alexander Payne. Different world views and approaches to cinema, of course — a brilliant physical comedian and a brainy, low-key dramatist with a wry sense of humor — so there’s no need to compare the two. Geographical origins mean nothing in the greater schemes.

But if someone insisted upon comparing them, who would be the greater, more formidable talent in the eyes of the Movie Godz? And who would be the “winner” if the same question was put to Joe and Jane Popcorn?

The answer, of course, is that the Movie Godz would side with Lloyd because of his physically inventive comic scenarios (i.e., that hanging-from-a-clock shot from Safety Last) while Joe and Jane would choose Payne because of Election and Sideways, and because they’ve probably never even seen a clip from a Harold Lloyd film, much less one from beginning to end.

It doesn’t matter how good you are or were — all that matters is (a) what people remember and (b) the quality of the biographies or documentaries made about your work.

I was thinking about Payne this morning because the 20th anniversary of Election (which is either his best or second-best film — you decide) is only a few days off. Payne has been a fully respected, brand-name director since Citizen Ruth, but he’s touched greatness only twice — with Election and Sideways (’04). Basically he was a beneficiary of what turned out to be a five-year hot streak.

Artists are merely channellers or conduits of creative insight and energy. They don’t get to choose when their output is going to be brilliant or mezzo-mezzo or disappointing. All they can do is keeping pumping the handle and hope for the best.

Payne exuded an almost wizard-like aura after Election, but after everyone saw About Schmidt (’02) the consensus was that he’d lost his touch. Then be bounced back with the glorious Sideways.

Seven years later Payne came up with The Descendants, which everyone found fairly exceptional and rooted in real-people behavior (it was a solid 8 or even an 8.5) even if they privately muttered that it wasn’t quite on the level of Sideways (9) or Election (9.5). Two years later he delivered the Oscar-nominated but vaguely underwhelming Nebraska (7.5)). Then he came up with Downsizing (5.5), which had a brilliant first act but collapsed somewhere around the halfway mark.

If there’s such a thing as a dry Nebraskan aesthetic, Payne is the emblem of this. (I think. Probably.) I’m not sure I know enough about Lloyd to say that he thought or wrote or performed like a Nebraskan; nor am I certain if “Nebraskan” means anything in the realm of creative endeavor. I do know that as a producer-performer Lloyd had a personal stamp, and that he enjoyed a six- or seven-year peak period from Safety Last (’23) to Welcome Danger (’29).

This is one of the most hare-brained things I’ve ever written.

I’ve been wondering why James Gray‘s Ad Astra — a hard-luck, behind-the-eight-ball sci-fi movie if I ever heard of one — hasn’t been screening despite Wikipedia, IMDB and Box-Office Mojo all reporting an opening date of 5.24.19.

The answer is that Ad Astra, a father-son, space-travel, Heart of Darkness-like drama with Brad Pitt, Tommy Lee Jones, Ruth Negga, Donald Sutherland and Jamie Kennedy, isn’t opening in May. The latest is that it’ll “most likely premiere at Venice,” according to a distribution exec.

The 5.24 date was announced last October. But here we are less than a month away and there’s no trailer, no screenings…nothing. That’s because the Disney-Fox transition has slowed down the usual process, and so no one thought to tell Wikipedia, IMDB and Box Office Mojo to change the 5.24 date to “sometime in the fall of ’19.”

Ad Astra was made for only $50 million. For a film of this scope (astronaut space adventure, other realms and universes, etc.) that’s a nickle-and-dime budget.

Last February Gray was asked what were the odds that Ad Astra might show up at the 2019 Cannes Film Festival.

“We’re trying, we’re certainly hopeful,” Gray replied. “The issue is a little bit out of our hands ’cause the shots come in from the VFX houses and right now our delivery date is late April early May, which is really, really cutting it close. You want your visual effects to be so good that nobody thinks about them, that people don’t think of them as visual effects.”

A Washington Post-ABC News poll says that 54% of Democrats and Democratic-leaning independents have no particular preference for any candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination, Joe Biden included.

Think about that for five or ten seconds. For months and months it’s been “Biden and Bernie in front, Biden and Bernie in front, Biden and Bernie in front” and yet — and yet! — 54% of likely Democratic voters are saying “no one in particular” when asked to name a candidate they currently support.

This means that support for Biden is soft. It means the majority is still sniffing around and kicking the tires with no strong passion for anyone.

On the other hand there’s a new Emerson poll stating that Biden is doing best against Trump in Texas, with Beto O’Rourke polling nearly as well.

Until yesterday I hadn’t realized that Kamala Harris is only 5′ 2″. I’m sorry but that changes things slightly. Hillary Clinton (5’4″ or 5’5″) appeared to be fairly short in her debates with the 6’2″ Trump, but Kamala is two inches shorter. That’s visually worrisome.

Beto O’Rourke is obviously going through a rough patch, but he’s the only front-polling Democratic candidate who is clearly taller than Orange Cheeto. He’s got him by two if not three inches. Don’t kid yourself: One of the reasons that Michael Dukakis lost to George H.W. Bush (Willie Horton and tank video aside) is that fact that next to Bush he looked like Rocky the Squirrel.